HSWC Bonus Round 2
by spockandawe
Summary: All my written fills for the first bonus round of the 2014 HSWC. Some of these go into potentially upsetting topics, but relevant warnings for each of the stories are listed in the notes at the beginning of each chapter. These prompts took the form of non-English words with no direct English parallels.
1. Karkat-Gamzee (Pale)

Gamzee/Karkat (Pale): Meshuggeneh (Yiddish), Crazy, Broken, Messed Up, Something That Is So Broken That One Doesn't Even Know Where To Begin With Fixing It

Warning for child neglect and substance abuse (sopor) in this story

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><p>Sometimes you wonder if you're up to this. Because you want it, you really do, you want to be there for him so badly it hurts. But you've spent your whole life trying to pretend you're something more than you know you are, and you've spent most of your life painfully failing to live up to the standards you set for yourself. And this is higher stakes than you've been playing with before, because you're not just fucking with your own life now, you're fucking with <em>his,<em> and what with you being a hideous mutant abomination and all, if you go down, it'll probably drag him with you. It's better for both of you if you just keep your distance.

Yeah, okay, you can say that, but in practice? You can't stay away. When you realize that he's not just eating pies, he's eating _sopor_ pies (what the actual fuck, who does that?) you can feel your stomach twist, and before you can stop yourself, you tell him that he needs to cut that shit out and find him a link to a sopor addiction rehabilitation site. You're kicking yourself after sending that link because holy _fuck,_ could you make a more blatant pale overture if you tried? And then he doesn't answer for a whole hour, and that's it, you fucked up the friendship and he thinks you're trying to pick him up and you ruined everything. But no, he was just watching the waves hit the sand or something, and you have to bite back the urge to tell him the sea is _dangerous_ and instead say something rude about what kind of moron is so easy to distract, and ha. You are a master of deception. He'll never guess that you're pale for him.

That's the worse it can get, right? You're not going to meet anyone more screwed up than living on _sopor_ and so out of it that they get distracted and just sit down right next to the fucking _ocean_ like murderous seadwellers and troll-eating finbeasts aren't even a thing. Wow are you good at being wrong. You can't leave well enough alone, so you keep bugging him about sitting inside and maybe seeing if he likes these new recipes you've been trying lately, and maybe _sitting inside,_ but he tells a brother not to worry, he's just waiting for his dad to come in. Okay, yeah, that's legitimate you guess, but what about all those _other_ times he sits out by the sea? Well. He's _always_ waiting for his dad to come in. He's been doing that for how long? He says it's been happening since before pupation, but when he was just a wriggler he wasn't tall enough to open the hive doors himself.

That's so fucked up. _It's so fucked up._ You can't actually deal with it. You have to leave the husktop for a little and go do something else and calm down, and maybe you happen to pass your dad and give him a hug and just lean up against him for a minute and try to imagine if he'd abandoned you and _no you aren't tearing up at all._ Gamzee's left worried messages by the time you get back, and wow, now you feel even shittier for just ditching him like that, could you actually have picked anything worse to do at that point in the conversation? You completely freeze up and say something painfully idiotic about getting distracted and watching the stars, and instead of being hurt that you totally bailed right after he told you something huge like that, he just tells you awww, that's beautiful as all motherfuck.

You can't stay away. It would be so much better if you knew how to leave well enough alone, because. He needs a moirail, but it can't be you. It can't. You barely manage to hold your own life together on the good days, and if he's dumb enough to trust you (he's definitely dumb enough to trust you), you're going to fuck him up so badly. You want to help, but you _know_ you aren't good enough for this. It's all. It's so bad that you wouldn't even know where to start, but you're such a dumbass that you want to try anyways. Regularly, you beat yourself up for acting so pale towards someone who hasn't given you a single sign that he's interested back, but you don't know how to stop. He calls you best friend, and it makes your pump biscuit clench, and at the same time, you feel like he's trusting you with everything he's got while you do nothing but lie to him. It kills you to realize how often his dad isn't there, and that as miserable a substitute for a moirail you are, you're the best thing he's got right now. You finally ask him if he wants to visit your hive for a week. Or two. And that, uh. Maybe your dad could do some hunting for you guys and um, you've got a recipe for grubsteak you've been meaning to try, if, you know, he's interested. Or something. He replies that that he would be right motherfucking pleased to see your hive and asks if maybe a brother has a pile he'd be willing to share? ;o)

Well. Well, then. You're still pretty sure you're not good enough to handle this the way he deserves, but. You're still grinning like an idiot as you begin to make plans.


	2. Dirk-Equius (Flushed)

Dirk/Equius: Nostalgie De La Boue (French), "Yearning For The Mud," Attraction To What Is Unworthy, Crude, Or Degrading

Warning for light dom/sub (nonsexual) in this story

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><p>timaeusTestified [TT] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]<p>

TT: So, tell me if I'm being too pushy here.  
>TT: But as fun as sloppy interspecies makeouts have been, I sometimes get the feeling you're looking for something more.<br>CT: D - I  
>CT: D - Er<br>CT: D - I have been having an e%quisite time with you  
>TT: Okay now, that's not strictly an answer to the question I asked.<br>CT: D - I w001d not presume to tell you what to do  
>TT: Hmm.<br>TT: See, that's the kind of thing that makes me wonder.  
>CT: D - What<br>CT: D - Why  
>CT: D - Has my behavior been una%ceptable<br>TT: Bro, I have been having a genuinely good time, whether this is all you want or not.  
>TT: But this business, with refusing to take charge and the extreme need to please, it just makes me wonder.<br>TT: I suppose being straightforward is easiest.  
>TT: Have you ever heard of bdsm?<br>TT: I'm guessing that's pretty much a human thing, but I don't know if there's a troll equivalent.  
>CT: D - I am unfamiliar with the term<br>TT: Okay, let's try this from a conceptual angle instead.  
>TT: Tell me what you want from me, without any of this bullshit like 'I want whatever you want' or anything like that.<br>CT: D - I c00ld not  
>TT: I'm ordering you to tell me<br>CT: D - Oh  
>CT: D - Uh<br>TT: I'm not going to be mad at anything you say; I'm just genuinely curious.  
>CT: D - I<br>CT: D - I feel quite content when you give me such orders  
>CT: D - To obey is<br>CT: D - A thrill  
>TT: That's a start. How would you feel about ordering me around in return?<br>CT: D - To be quite frank  
>CT: D - Er<br>CT: D - It is more pleasing to give you an order and see it disregarded  
>TT: So if you were to order me to kneel, and I was to say fuck no and tell YOU to kneel instead?<br>CT: D - Oh  
>CT: D - Oh my<br>TT: Sounds like a good response to me  
>TT: Does that extend to other orders too? What if, say, I was to tell you that you're my footstool for the night while I chatted with my friends online?<br>TT: Or what if I was to order you not to speak until you EARNED to right to talk again?  
>CT: D - I think<br>CT: D - I need a towel  
>TT: You can get a towel when I tell you to get one.<br>CT: D - Dirk  
>TT: Ask me for it.<br>CT: D - Dirk  
>CT: D - Please<br>TT: Go for it, bro.  
>CT: D - Actually<br>CT: D - At this point  
>CT: D - One towel may not be sufficient<br>TT: Tell you what, I'm in a generous mood. You can get as many towels as you want.  
>CT: D - Thank you<br>TT: And that's something you like?  
>CT: D - ….<br>TT: Give me an answer.  
>CT: D - Yes<br>CT: D - Very much so  
>TT: So, I think we might have some shared interests, here.<br>TT: Are you free tonight?  
>TT: Because I've got some literature to show you.<p>

Chapter Management


	3. Disciple-Signless

The Disciple/The Signless: Dor (Romanian),The Longing For Someone You Love Very Much, Combined With Sadness, And Implying The Need To Sing Sad Songs

Warning for discussion of past death and grief for a loved one in this story

* * *

><p>You miss him so badly you think it's killing you. You mean that in a very literal way. You feel old and worn out and <em>tired,<em> and missing him is a constant dull ache in your chest that you can't stand to focus on. Some nights you wake up still half-asleep and turn toward him without thinking and remember you're alone. Those are the worst nights. Once, you realized that your memories were starting to fade with time, and that there were details and conversations and nights you couldn't remember, and it terrified you, and now you've made it the goal of what's left of your life to remember _everything_

It's… not as easy as you might wish. He tried to teach you how to write for sweeps and sweeps, and you resisted because he was being _silly_ about it being important (and because saying it was dumb made him go angry and red), but he hadn't been teaching you for long before… Before. And you're slow and clumsy and wish he was still here to teach you better. Sometimes you hate it and wish you could stop because seeing your claws shaping big ugly letters is nothing like seeing him smoothly write page after page, but it's what you have left of _him,_ so you do it anyways, even when you want to cry of frustration.

It's horrible and wonderful. You write down everything he ever told you, or that you heard him tell others, and you do it for love of him, pure flushed pity for how beautiful he was and how carefully he held you, like you were something precious. And you hate him too, for how _hard_ this is, how you never wanted to learn how to write and how he made you want it regardless. You hate the work you put into making your brushes, one by one, hair by hair, mixing inks and writing his words for him because he isn't there to tell you himself. And then when the paint is dry, you lean your head up against the walls of your cave and talk to _him,_ and you miss him so terribly, and you'll never hold him again, but you pour out your feelings to the cave walls and it's the closest you'll ever be to him again. And your work gives you a reason to go on. He wouldn't want that, and when you think that maybe, just maybe, someone could be inspired by him and the work you've done, and you're a weak substitute for what he was, but you can do this and pass on his words, for his sake as well as your own.

He promised that he'd teach you to write poetry. That was how he finally persuaded you that learning to write would be worth your time. He told you that it was painting a picture with words, and he talked about things like rhyme and meter, but you don't know any more because he's gone, you'd had one last evening where he talked to you about poems and somedays, and he was blood and ash by morning. You don't know to write poetry, and if he's not teaching you, you don't want to learn. He told you that it was like songs without music, and so sometimes you sing to him, because that's the closest thing you have left. Some mornings, with his words and memories fresh in your mind and your throat worn out with singing to him, you can go to sleep and almost imagine that he's lying there beside you.


	4. Dave-Tavros (Pitch)

Tavros/Dave (Pitch): Pikon (Tagalog), A Feeling Of Anger When One Gets Served With A Big Ol' Dose Of Poetic Justice

turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling adiosToreador

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><p>TG: so<br>TG: you may notice that i am currently being cooked by a horde of little crocodiles  
>AT: yES,<br>AT: tHAT CERTAINLY IS A THING, tHAT I AM LOOKING AT,  
>TG: and are you going to do anything about it<br>AT: iM NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEAN, bECAUSE IN OUR LAST CONVERSATION, yOU SAID CERTAIN THINGS ALONG THE LINES, oF COMMUNING WITH ANIMALS BEING A LAME, uSELESS POWER,  
>TG: what<br>TG: bro  
>TG: no you have to help me out<br>AT: dO I, rEALLY?  
>TG: come on no<br>TG: dont be a dick about this  
>AT: cONSIDERING I HAVE NO REASON TO BE FAMILIAR, wITH BIZARRE ALIEN SLANG, i THINK I WILL BE WHATEVER I WANT, iN THIS CASE,<br>AT: nO, i WOULDNT WANT TO HARSH YOUR HUMAN BUZZ, oR WHATEVER IDIOMS YOU CHOOSE TO USE, tHIS TIME,  
>AT: yOU CAN SUCCEED ON YOUR OWN MERITS, wITHOUT MY LAME, uSELESS INTERFERENCE, wHICH IS WHAT YOU IMPLIED WOULD BE BEST, iN OUR PREVIOUS CONVERSATION,<br>TG: what no  
>TG: dont linger on the past like that<br>TG: you may also notice that my arms are tied  
>TG: in addition to limiting my ability to swing a sword<br>TG: it makes it pretty fucking difficult to get at my strife specibus in the first place  
>AT: hM, yES,<br>AT: tHAT SURE IS A DIFFICULT PROBLEM, yOU ARE FACING,  
>AT: dONT WORRY, iM SURE YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY, aBOUT MY GETTING IN YOUR WAY,<br>AT: yOU CAN HANDLE THIS, wITHOUT HELP,  
>TG: are you seriously going to be that guy right now<br>AT: sINCE YOU ARENT BEING VERY SPECIFIC, I THINK I CAN ASSUME THAT YOU MEAN SOMETHING NEGATIVE,  
>AT: bUT SINCE YOU FAILED TO BE CLEAR, i CANT SAY IM ACTUALLY BOTHERED, bY THAT STATEMENT,<br>TG: you could fix this problem in about five seconds  
>AT: wHAT WAS THAT?<br>AT: i WAS DISTRACTED, bY THE HUMAN TEARS STREAMING DOWN YOUR FACE,  
>TG: those are onions you asshole<br>AT: nO, i AM PRETTY SURE, tHOSE ARE TEARS,  
>AT: yOU SHOULDNT BE ASHAMED TO EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS,<br>AT: nOT EVERYONE HAS THE ABILITY TO DEAL WITH A SITUATION LIKE THAT, sO, yOU SHOULDNT FEEL BAD THAT YOUR SKILLS ARENT UP TO THE JOB,  
>AT: iF ONLY YOU WERE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE, wITH THE CROCODILES, sOMEHOW<br>TG: yeah wow what an astonishing hypothetical right there  
>TG: you know terezi said you were a nice helpful person<br>TG: i think she was just fucking around with me  
>AT: i CAN BE HELPFUL, wITH PEOPLE I THINK DESERVE MY HELP, oR HAVENT OTHERWISE ANTAGONIZED ME,<br>TG: okay so i made fun of you once which means youre not going to help me out here  
>AT: wELL, sAYING IT WAS ONCE, nEGLECTS THE TIME TAKEN, fOR YOUR EXTENSIVE DIALOGUE, oN HOW USELESS MY POWERS ARE,<br>AT: yOU DAMAGED MY SELF ESTEEM, sO MUCH, tHAT I THINK I MAY NEVER USE THEM AGAIN,  
>TG: well fuck you too<br>AT: yOU KNOW, iTS A FUNNY THING,  
>AT: yOU WOULDNT NORMALLY EXPECT CONSORTS, tO BE SO AGGRESSIVE TOWARDS THEIR PLAYER, wOULD YOU?<br>TG: wait  
>AT: iTS ALMOST AS IF THEY WERE INFLUENCED, iN SOME WAY, tO CAPTURE HIM, aND MAKE HIM CRY LIKE A WRIGGLER,<br>AT: mAYBE WE COULD TRY TO SOLVE THAT MYSTERY, tOGETHER,  
>TG: you dick you get them to untie me right now this is all your fault<br>AT: iM FEELING PRETTY DOWN, bECAUSE MY POWERS ARE SO LAME, sO I THINK IM GOING TO SIGN OFF NOW, aND RECOVER, fROM ALL THOSE SICK BURNS,  
>AT: bYE,<p>

adiosToreador has blocked turntechGodhead [TG]


	5. Sollux-Eridan (Pitch)

Sollux/Eridan (Pitch): Ya'aburnee (Arabic), The Hope Of Dying Before A Loved One Does, So You Never Have To Experience The Pain Of Suffering Their Loss

Warning for discussion of future death in this story

* * *

><p>"I'm going to die first, you know." You feel the sopor ripple as he jumps.<p>

He rolls over and glares at you. "Why would you go an say that, Sol?"

You shrug. "It's true, you know."

"Yeah, okay, it's true, whatever." _Whatewer. _"I'm royalty an you're practically bottom of the hemospectrum."

"Wow, and fuck you too."

"My _point_ is, why would you go an bring it up?"

You roll over, turn away from him, and shrug again. "Just thinking is all."

"Jutht thinkin ith all," he replies in a mocking singsong. "What, you're tryin to act all pitiful? Are you flippin on me?"

"What? No. I can't even imagine what it would take to get me flushed for you, and what have you done lately that is anything less than awful?"

"Yeah, well that's the way to build a strong kismesissitude, then. Ooooh, ED, look how fuckin fragile I am! I'm gonna die soon, isn't that hot?"

You turn back around and kick him in the shins. "Asshole."

"_Athhole._"

"I'm _saying_ that you're the sucker who gets stuck with a dead kismesis. _I'm_ fine with my lifespan, but are _you?_"

That makes him freeze for a moment before he makes a reply. "Okay, so maybe it'll be a bit tricky to find anyone else as horrible as you, but just look at me. I'm a total fuckin catch."

"Yeah? How long is it going to take this hypothetical future partner, the one you're being way too optimistic about, to hate you the way I do? They're not even going to realize that you shed teeth in the sopor, which, by the way, is still completely disgusting. And how long did it take me to figure out how much money you waste on beauty products?"

"Shut up, that's a totally natural biological process. And some of us care about our appearance, not seeing how many perigees we can go without getting in an ablution trap."

"I'm just saying that _I'll_ be dead and done with all that shit, and _you're_ the one who's going to be left alone and un-hated."

He shifts closer in the sopor and because you're a nicer person than he is, you don't even give him shit for the arm he puts over your waist. There's comfortable silence for a few minutes where you just listen to him breathe, and then he opens his mouth again.

"I might die first, you know."

You snort. "Yeah, that royalty sure gets put in sooo much danger. Not like us shitbloods. You're the ones with the _really_ hazardous work."

He flicks you in the forehead, then catches your hands before you can return the favor (you zap him with psionics anyways). "Shut _up,_ Sol. I'm gonna be a military commander, you know. I'll be right up there on the front lines, and you'll probably just be a techie grunt."

"Ha, you think they'll actually give you a command position before I die of pure old age? Maybe sometime within my lifespan they'll let you _talk_ to the actual fucking commanders."

"No, it means I'll have to be out there _provin_ my valor and shit as soon as we're molted. I'll be takin all the most hazardous jobs and puttin myself out there. Watch, you're gonna be the one left without a kismesis, and you'll never find a second person who'd put up with you the way I do."

"Yeah right, have you seen the way they treat the bottom of the hemospectrum? I'll be lucky I even get a chance to do anything technical. They waste lowblood soldiers by the thousands out there. You probably won't have even gotten a uniform by the time I'm dead."

He kisses you then, hard and vicious, and when he tries to break it off, you grab him by a horn and hold him there until he's clawing at your back and pressing close to you all over. You're all twisted together when you lay back down in the sopor, with his face buried in your shoulder and your chin resting on top of his head. You snipe at each other on and off, but there's no venom in it, and at some point, the two of you drift off to sleep.


	6. Eridan & Cronus

Eridan & Cronus: La Petite Mort (French), A Phrase Used To Describe The Feeling That A Small Part Of You Has Died

* * *

><p>This is the actual worst part. Getting dumped an all your friends ditching you an dying wasn't the worst, meeting this asshole was. Because it turns out that you an your friends weren't even the original players for your universe, there's a whole other set of twelve other trolls just like you guys. But worse. Okay, this alternate Vris is easier to get along with than yours (but you aren't sure how it'd be possible for her to be more of an ass than your Vris is), but the worst, the absolute worst part is alternate you.<p>

This guy, he came up to you the moment you showed up in his dream bubble, an maybe you don't have as much experience with the whole flushed thing as you deserve, but you can tell when someone's hittin on you _that_ obviously. You were all ready to brush him off an all, but then he mentioned that a different version of you had been his ancestor in his universe, and you put the pieces together. This guy is basically _Orphaner Dualscar._

Okay, yeah, _wow,_ you're willin to give him about twenty or thirty extra chances for that one. Your ancestor is basically the most incredible troll who ever lived, and the only bad thing about him is the way that he's dead. Well. You're dead too and so's this Cronus guy and he's not _quite_ your ancestor but he's the closest you're ever gonna see, and just _wow._

Well. You know those twenty or thirty extra chances? He blows right through them and keeps goin. You thought maybe alternate Kar or alternate Sol was the worst there was, but nope. Your dancestor takes the prize for prime asshole. An, you know, you could always look past that if he was a major badass the way he was supposed to be, but he's not. He's _really_ not. You're pretty sure you could take him out without a strife specibus an him with Ahab's, an that's just _wrong._ He's needy as fuck (and you are self-aware enough to know that if _you_ think someone's needy, it's gotta be really bad), he's obnoxious, he doesn't know how to take a hint, an he seems to be completely fuckin unable to hold a conversation without turnin it back to tryin to pick you up.

You weren't expectin it to bug you so much, but it really, really does. You've been buildin your whole life since you were a pupa on how incredible your ancestor was. You've been strifin with his gun since you were barely tall enough to hold it, an you've been tryin your whole life to measure up to who he was. An it turns out that he's a bigger asshole than anyone you've ever met, who seems to be completely fuckin incapable of aimin for anythin that doesn't involve his bulge. You dedicated your everythin into growin up into something that might compare to what he was, an it turns out you've been tryin to measure up to a complete fuckin moron who'll be lucky if he manages not to shoot his own fingers off.

An it takes you literally _hours_ to get away. You're done with him within the first hour or so, but then he follows you out of his dream bubble an across three others before you finally manage to get away, an then while you're still within earshot, he starts goin on about how unappreciated he is an how nobody seems to recognize any of his many charms. There you go. You thought it couldn't get any worse, an then it did. You know that trolls are _different_ in your two universes, an your Dualscar an Cronus aren't strictly the same, but also. They sorta are.

You get to your hive again, an dig out all the old historical records, all the archives you assembled over sweeps an sweeps of collecting everything you could find about your ancestor. But it's not the same. You read the bits Vris gave you about how he broke up with Mindfang, and. It's not badass anymore. You only see Cronus whinin about how she didn't appreciate him an she shoulda been grateful that he was willin to give her the time of night, an your stomach twists a bit. An his dramatic death at the hands of the Grand Highblood isn't really that dramatic when all you can see is a fuckin idiot failin to take a hint and get out of a bad situation before things turn nasty. That day, you take your archives an toss them over the rail of your hive, an watch them sink down into the dark water until they're out of sight.


	7. Eridan-Roxy (Pale)

Eridan/Roxy (Pale): Bagstiv (Danish), Waking Up In The Morning Still Drunk From The Night Before

Warning for mention of alcohol in this story

* * *

><p>Roxy wakes up before you do. Urg. You can handle any sleep schedule she wants to throw at you, but you will never fuckin get over how <em>weird<em> it is to wake up when it's light out. You can definitely smell her makin breakfast, though, an that makes it all okay. You roll over into her spot, an it's still warm, which means she hasn't been up for all that long an you can totally lie here for a bit longer before you actually get up.

She'd been worried that you might get a 'hangover' or whatever, which is really fuckin dumb, because that's somethin _humans_ have to deal with, an you're definitely the superior species in any situation. Maybe it was a mistake to try matchin her drink for drink, though. But she was teasin that she's been drinkin for years or sweeps or whatever, an you've never had any soporifics before, an then you had to match everythin she was doin, didn't you? You didn't throw up or anythin like that, which she'd warned you about, but you think that mighta been because she was playin nice with you an not drinkin as much as she really could. You, uh. Aren't gonna get on her case for that, because by the time she dragged you off to her respiteblock, you needed her help to stay upright, an it felt real good to lie down an stop worryin about dumb shit like 'feet' and 'balance.'

Then you hear her callin up to you, an yeah, breakfast sounds like a real good plan right now. You swing up to your feet, and _whoa._ Uh. Did the room always swim around like that? You put a hand on the wall to keep yourself steady and gradually make your way to the hall, and… stairs. Who the fuck would put stairs in a hive? You think to yourself about the unfairness of the universe an about stupid hive planners who don't consider the needs of their hive residents, an you're definitely not avoidin tryin to walk down half a flight of stairs without fallin ass over horns.

You go down seated, in the end. You take it one stair at a time with a hand on the rails, an you _don't feel embarrassed at all _because this is all Roxy's fault, with the soporifics, an you think she mighta broken you for permanent. You tell her as much when you finally make it to the food preparation block, an you try to kiss her on top of her head, an sorta miss an end up with your head restin on her shoulder. She laughs at you, but you can't even find it in you to be mad when she turns around and puts her arms around your waist and just holds you there. You mournfully tell her that you think you'll never recover, and she just laughs again and kisses you on the fin.

"Babe, here's what's up, and this is my very professional opinion: you are still drunk as _shit._"

"What, no. How's that even possible. You're not. You know. Drunk."

She carefully steers you towards a chair and sets you down. "That's because I have hella experience with being drunk. And it doesn't help that I'm not the one with a freaky alien metabolism!"

Wow, this table feels good. It's nice and cool against your forehead and you think you could stay here forever. "_You're _a freaky alien metabolism."

"Welp, that booze was designed with my freaky alien metabolism in mind, so I think you're definitely the unusual element in this case." Haha. Fuck. You just poisoned yourself with alien soporifics. "But I was looking up some stuff on troll biology, and there's nothing in my booze to fuck you up for permanent! You're just silly-drunk and it'll take you a bit to cool off, I think."

"Nnnuh. You broke me, Rox."

She gently tugs you upright in your chair and for the first time you focus at the downright impressive amount of food on the table. "Well, in preparation for this situation, I've been doing mad kitchen science. I've assembled every human hangover slash drunkenness cure I could think of, and I've got some experimental troll ones that I think might work. It's for sure partially my fault I let you get so shitfaced your first time around, so it's my job to make it better!" When she smiles down at you, you can't help smiling back. "Relax, babe. Just sit back and let me take care of you."


	8. Dave-Nepeta (Flushed)

Dave/Nepeta (Flush): Poronkusema (Finnish), A Very Old Unit Of Measurement Used To Describe The Distance A Reindeer Can Travel Before Having To Stop And Urinate

In which Dave and Nepeta talk about pee, but it is all very silly and not-gross

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><p>arsenicCatinp [AC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]<p>

AC: :33 hey!  
>AC: :33 you still up for tomorrows hike?<br>TG: you bet im up for this  
>TG: jane said she was going to be baking everyone a cake<br>TG: some straight up red velvet shit  
>TG: but are you sure you don't mind taking me<br>TG: i know you dont really care that much about hanging with them all  
>AC: :33 not at all!<br>AC: :33 we can spend some nice time together  
>AC: :33 then you can visit your human furrends and I can drop in on equius<br>TG: oh yeah i forgot your moirail lived out that way  
>TG: or your uh<br>TG: meowrail i guess  
>AC: :33 yup!<br>AC: :33 and even if he didnt id still want to make sure you got out there okay  
>AC: :33 its not a bad trip but you've nefur made it before<br>AC: :33 so ill be there to protect you from all the purredators!  
>TG: well shit i guess im in good hands then<br>TG: or good paws  
>TG: better hope the fearsome beast by my side doesnt decide to turn on me<br>AC: :33 h33 h33!  
>AC: :33 you never know with the furrocious huntress!<br>TG: how long is this trip anyways  
>TG: i want to give them some idea of when im getting in<br>AC: :33 well when im going on my own and the weather is good, it's about three p33s  
>TG: uh<br>TG: what  
>AC: :33 three p33s<br>TG: yeah that definitely is what you said  
>TG: but what does that mean<br>AC: :33 …  
>AC: :33 it means i stop to p33<br>AC: :33 three times  
>TG: you know im not really sure what i expected<br>TG: next question is why the fuck thats your measure of distance  
>AC: :33 well duhhhh just giving it as a distance doesnt include terrain or anything useful like that<br>AC: :33 and i dont keep a personal miniature chronometer  
>AC: :(( they always get broken<br>AC: :33 so its just sensible to measure it this way  
>TG: uh<br>TG: i guess thats sort of logical  
>TG: but i think your definition of sensible doesnt match anyone elses<br>AC: :33 then other people are dumb!  
>AC: :33 what you think i should track it by where the moons are or something?<br>AC: :33 because thats going to be soooooo fluffy and inaccurate!  
>AC: :33 this is concrete, and i can tell when i need to p33, so thats what matters<br>TG: well shit  
>TG: i guess that makes sense<br>TG: in a very VERY strange way  
>TG: so<br>TG: i guess ill tell jane were going to set out first thing and be there three pees later  
>AC: :33 make it four<br>AC: :33 youre not going to be as fast as me  
>TG: okay then<br>TG: four pees it is

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]


	9. Bro & Dave

Dave & Bro: Hiraeth (Welsh), A Homesickness Tinged With Grief Or Sadness Over The Lost Or Departed

* * *

><p>turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]<p>

TG: hey dude

-ectoBiologist [EB] is an idle chum! -

TG: wow yeah what a shock i remain astonished that a goddamn chat client cant penetrate the mysterious void between this meteor and wherever you and jade took off to  
>TG: just as astonished as ive been for the last two fucking years<br>TG: anyways  
>TG: i was just thinking about home again and i thought id actually talk to you instead of sitting alone and brooding or whatever<br>TG: if im not careful ill turn into one of those guys that writes bad emo poetry  
>TG: hang on<br>TG: this poem is written in black because that is the color of my heart  
>TG: much more lame than writing ironically bad rap<br>TG: yeah but i was thinking about bro and everything  
>TG: i know ive told you about all the smuppets<br>TG: but man the more i think about it my childhood was weird as shit  
>TG: the goddamn smuppets were the least of it<br>TG: like you know id go out to school on weekdays and that was pretty much it except for the rooftop strifing  
>TG: but im pretty sure that i left the apartment more than he did<br>TG: groceries mysteriously appeared but fuck if i know when he did that  
>TG: he was either lounging around and being a dick about taking up whatever part of the apartment i wanted to use<br>TG: or he was locked up in his bedroom and all the powers of heaven and hell wouldnt be able to save me if i opened that door  
>TG: i did once actually<br>TG: i was young and dumb as SHIT  
>TG: but hed been showing me how to pick locks and i thought it would be really funny if i busted into his room and snuck up on him when he wasnt expecting it<br>TG: actually  
>TG: you<br>TG: that was your fault  
>TG: you wouldnt shut the fuck up about pranking and pranksters gambits and shit and i thought id try it out and impress you with my mad pranking skills<br>TG: and then i never told you because it went so disastrously wrong  
>TG: as soon as i busted open the door he was right there and he was fucking furious<br>TG: i caught a glimpse of a camera setup and more smuppets than mortal eye was meant to behold  
>TG: and then i was hustled right the fuck out and thats probably one of the only times he sat me down and really laid down the law instead of spewing his usual ironic bullshit<br>TG: …  
>TG: you know i think my bro may have been running a porn site out of his bedroom<br>TG: huh  
>TG: but at the time anyways he told me that hed explain when i was grown up if i still wanted to know<br>TG: and that for now his bedroom was off limits and just to cut off any ironic civil disobedience i was grounded for a month  
>TG: i thought that wouldnt make any difference since i didnt go out except for school<br>TG: but yeah that meant taking away all my electronics and leaving me with his ironic shitty pda  
>TG: it was literally the first generation capable of connecting to the internet<br>TG: for an entire goddamn MONTH  
>TG: and at the time i kind of resented it you know<br>TG: because i was basically grown up already and what the fuck was he trying to accomplish  
>TG: but that was a whole year before sburb<br>TG: do you think that if wed been adults when we played the game it would have gone differently  
>TG: because fuck<br>TG: thirteen  
>TG: we were babies<br>TG: even fifteen isnt really impressing me that much  
>TG: i spend most days filled with existential horror and wondering how the hell were going to accomplish anything<br>TG: i mean yeah whatever fucking up is what childhood is for i guess  
>TG: but we never realized what kind of stakes we were playing for until it was too late<br>TG: fuck why was i worrying about an emo poetry phase  
>TG: ive clearly already hit it<br>TG: imagine ive inserted some pictures of rain or ravens or whatever  
>TG: id talk about roses and thorns but theres no way that wont sound like innuendo about the actual human rose<br>TG: i wonder if i can combine my talents and write some emo rap  
>TG: mix up some sick beats that sound like crying<br>TG: itd be fucking beautiful

- ectoBiologist [EB] is an idle chum! -

TG: yeah its always good talking to you too  
>TG: well<br>TG: this conversation has been sufficiently humiliating  
>TG: i think ill cut this off now<br>TG: maybe if i bury you under enough one sided meandering conversations youll never make it back through them far enough to read the horribly embarrassing shit like this  
>TG: i guess ill probably talk to you tomorrow then<p>

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]


	10. Aradia-Sollux

Sollux/Aradia: Wintercearig (Old English), "Winter-Care" Or "Winter-Sorrow," The Feeling Of Sadness Equatable To The Cold Of Winter

Warning for death (canonical and in the past), emotional trauma, and grief in this story

* * *

><p>apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]<p>

AA: s0llux  
>TA: oh my god<br>TA: aa you cant do thii2 two me  
>TA: liiterally you need two 2top ii cant handle thii2<br>AA: is there a pr0blem  
>TA: ii2 there a problem 2he 2ay2<br>TA: why the fuck would there be a problem everythiing ii2 totally fuckiing FIINE no problem2 here  
>AA: y0u sh0uldnt be upset<br>TA: oh yeah?  
>TA: wow youre riight iit2 liike all my care2 ju2t evaporated away<br>TA: iim glad you could 2olve that for me now can you plea2e 2top talkiing two me  
>AA: y0u d0nt need t0 blame y0urself<br>TA: yep anythiing you 2ay  
>TA: can you go away now<br>AA: y0u c0uld bl0ck me if y0u wished  
>TA: plea2e dont make me do thii2<br>TA: aa plea2e  
>AA: it needed t0 happen<br>AA: what y0u did was necessary  
>TA: 2hut up 2HUT UP<br>TA: you cant aa you cant do thii2 two me  
>TA: ii would 2ay youre kiilliing me but wow 2omehow that comediic exaggeratiion ii2nt quiite 2o funny anymore<br>TA: but that ii2 2eriiou2ly what iit feel2 liike  
>AA: s0llux<br>TA: when ii 2ay ii cant do thii2 ii mean youre teariing me apart from the iin2iide out  
>TA: aa how can you expect me two ju2t put iit all asiide becau2e you 2aiid iit wa2 """"nece22ary""""<br>TA: ii cant do thii2 not even for you  
>TA: ii dont know how iim even functiioniing anymore and really that2 becau2e iim ba2iically not functiioniing at all<br>TA: ii can barely handle talkiing to anyone and ii really REALLY cant fuckiing handle talkiing to you  
>TA: iif youre trying to be niice can you plea2e 2top becau2e all youre doiing ii2 hurtiing me<br>AA: if this had n0t happened  
>AA: we w0uld all have died<br>AA: life w0uld 0nly pr0ceed in a timeline where you did as y0u had t0  
>TA: oh wow would you look at that youve found a way to make me feel even wor2e<br>TA: you know what ii thiiink iid prefer a tiimeliine like that anyway2  
>AA: i w0uld have died regardless<br>AA: as well as y0u  
>AA: karkat<br>AA: kanaya  
>AA: every0ne y0u kn0w<br>TA: ii dont care  
>TA: the number of fuck2 ii giive ii2 ab2olutely zero becau2e guess what iit mean2 ii wouldnt have had two kiill you my2elf<br>TA: look  
>TA: youre not the 2ame anymore but plea2e PLEA2E try two under2tand thii2<br>TA: ii woke up wiith your blood on my hand2  
>TA: not ju2t metaphoriically but LIITERALLY<br>TA: ii wa2 2tanding iin your hiive ii kiilled you wiith my own hand2 ii kiilled your mom ii KIILLED YOU AA  
>TA: ii dont even know how ii made iit home again<br>TA: do you have any iidea how long iit wa2 before ii wa2 able to eat again?  
>TA: how many day2 ii 2pent wiith my dad becau2e of all the niightmare2?<br>TA: how long it wa2 before ii could briing my2elf to me22age kk?  
>TA: ii dont know iif iill ever be the way ii wa2 before<br>TA: you cant ju2t 2how up a2 a gho2t or whatever actiing liike everythiing ii2 ju2t fiine telliing me that ii was 2UPPO2ED two fuckiing do that  
>TA: how can you do that two me?<br>AA: s0llux y0u need t0 understand  
>TA: no<br>TA: thii2 ii2 iit  
>TA: thii2 ii2 the actual furthe2t liimiit of what ii am capable of handliing<br>TA: plea2e dont me22age me agaiin

twinArmageddons [TA] has blocked apocalypseArisen [AA]


	11. Bro-Cronus (Flushed)

Bro-Cronus (flushed): Voorpret (Dutch), Literally "Pre-Fun," The Sense Of Enjoyment A Person Feels Before An Event Actually Takes Place

Warning for vague discussion of sexual situations, and a very light dom/sub dynamic in this story

* * *

><p>He's bouncing off the walls and working himself up into a state and it isn't even afternoon yet. You can only handle so long watching him start chores only to move on to something new before they're half done, or pick up new books only to put them down again two minutes later. When you ask him what he's doing he says he's cleaning the house, but you're pretty sure he's leaving things considerably messier than when he started. After perhaps an hour you officially can't deal with it anymore and call him over to the… multi-person cushioned seating surface? He laughs and corrects you to elongated seating platform, but he wants to call it a <em>couch,<em> and sits down next to you.

He's fidgeting in place as you do your best to make small talk, and his eyes keep jumping between your face and your hands, and every time you move towards him, his fins flush violet. Finally, you take him (gently) by the scruff of his neck. He shivers happily but freezes, watching you and taking shallow breaths.

"Cronus. Bro. You okay, man?"

"Yeah," he sighs. "Yeah, I'm great. I'm perfect. I'm just excited. I'm ready. For—For tonight, you know?"

You grin, because yeah, you know. "Still gotta keep it cool, dude." You let your grip tighten, just a bit. "You're gonna wear yourself out this way, and what am I supposed to do with myself then?"

He's smiling up at you in that worshipful way that makes your stomach do fucking flips, and the blush is spreading from his fins to his face. "You're looking forward to it too? I mean, I know you musta already gotten so much action. With, like. Other people, y'know, but-"

"Haha, what do you think? I promise I'm just as excited about this as you are. But bro, that's strictly business for tonight. I promised you the best date night of your life first, and you're gonna feel like a goddamn princess by the time we get back to the house. I even called the restaurant up, and once I started talking about xeno-prejudice and lawsuits, they finally agreed to serve you up one steak sans cooking. You get the genuine five-star human dining experience, minus food that'll make you gag."

His eyes are shining, and when you let go of his neck he leans in against your chest. "You're the best. The actual _best._ Did I ever tell you that?"

You laugh. "I could stand to hear it more often."

"And after we get back? Tell me about that."

"No can do, bro. That part is strictly a surprise." So are the musicians that are going to serenade your dinner table, but he'll find out about that part when it happens. You weren't kidding about making him feel like a princess. "Anticipation is part of the game."

He wriggles around so he can give you his saddest, most pathetic look. "_Please?_"

"Non-negotiable, man." You flip up your shades so he can see your face and slip a possessive arm around his waist. "I can promise that you're going to love it."

You're ready to tease him about this for hours, but when he grabs your collar and yanks you down into a sharp, toothy kiss, you think the conversation just might be over.


	12. Crabdad & Karkat

Karkat & Crabdad: Avoir Le Mal De Quelqu'un (French), Missing Someone So Much It Literally Makes You Sick

Warning for (past) parental death in this story

* * *

><p>It begins with a series of vague messages on the theme of whether you know anything about sewing, whether you know how to alchemize a sewing machine, or whether you might ask Kanaya if she has a sewing machine he can borrow. As intriguing as it may be, it's also extremely frustrating to help him when he won't tell you <em>why<em> he's asking, and finally you give up and tell him to just meet you in person.

You've hardly seen him for weeks, and frankly, he looks awful. He's never seemed to be well-rested, but the circles beneath his eyes are darker than you've ever seen them and his hands shake faintly when he tries to hold still. He doesn't want to tell you why he wants his questions answered even now, and it doesn't take long before you are sick of the game and of trying to help him when he refuses to give you any additional information or context.

When you finally put your foot down he glares at you and snaps, "You don't _need_ any background, just answer my goddamn questions."

"I refuse." And before he can start shouting, you follow with, "As charming as you've been, do you realize how difficult it is to give you advice when you won't tell me what that advice is for? I am doing my best, certainly, but I can't tell you what you should do when you won't tell me what you are trying to _accomplish._ You are aware, of course, that this is not even my area of expertise? I fail to see why you've come to me instead of Kanaya."

He groans and rubs at his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Because it would be the most insensitive fucking thing I've ever done, _that's_ why, and let me tell you, that would be one hell of an accomplishment."

"Why?"

"_No._ There isn't any reason for me to answer that. It's not even about the sewing at all."

"Yes, well, personal curiosity is a factor, and since I'm doing you a favor, it would be _polite_ to at least tell me what I'm getting into."

"Look. You _can't_ tell her about this. I'm already the biggest asshole left alive in the universe, I don't need to make this any worse than it already is. I'm _not_ going to Kanaya and saying 'Oh, hey, your lusus is dead and you had to butcher her corpse to get the matriorb, which was then destroyed because I'm an incompetent leader? Well how about you talk me through making a stuffed animal of _my_ lusus?'"

"Your guardian?"

He sighs heavily, and rakes his hands through his hair. "I miss him, okay? I never spent a full night without him before we got to the meteor, and by then I was responsible for him dying _twice,_ and I'm not talking about it to Kanaya, and I _can't_ ask Terezi or Gamzee about it because they both grew up basically without lusii. So I'm making a fucking stuffed animal just like a goddamn _wriggler,_ shut _up._"

"I wasn't planning to say anything." You pause. "You do realize that my mother just died as well?" He looks absolutely stricken for a moment, and he's already starting to babble out an apology when you raise a hand to cut him off. "I do promise I'm not upset. That was… insensitive of me to bring up right now, and I am sorry. But I did mean it before when I said that I am no expert in sewing."

"It doesn't even matter right now. It doesn't have to be good, just, you know. Sort of like him. I tried by myself but it was so impressively shitty that you don't even need to bother asking to see."

"Well. First, what sort of pattern are you working from? And I presume that if you've made one attempt you have the fabric. May I see that?"

He just gives you a confused look when you say 'pattern,' but he decaptchalogues a bolt of pure white fabric. He watches as you unwind some and run it through your fingers. "It's just white fabric. There isn't anything special about it."

You tug on a length and purse your lips as it stretches. "Well. This is a knit fabric and you need something woven." He just stares at you blankly. "You need something that won't stretch. No matter how good you might be at sewing, it would be quite difficult to make a stuffed animal that way without deforming the shape of the finished product. It should be a simple matter to alchemize a woven white fabric."

"Oh." He blinks. "Sorry. I'm just tired. Really tired."

"I thought you and the others were managing without the sopor?"

He waves you off. "No, it's just. Other things."

"Perhaps you would be open to more assistance with this undertaking, then?"

"If you can help me get a sewing machine, that'd be plenty. You don't need to bother with anything else."

"In fact, I think you would be better served by hand stitching. You might do a flat version of the right shape with detailing done in thread of a darker color, or there is a technique where the body and limbs are constructed separately, and then attached. I believe your father was a large crab?" He nods, and you rise to your feet, smoothing your skirt down over your legs. "If you'll come with me, I believe we may be able to make you something done in a few hours that will help you get a full day's worth of rest."

He stares blankly until you extend a hand, then he takes it and slowly stands. He trails behind you for some time before finally he clears his throat once, coughs, clears his throat again, and finally says, "Thank you."


	13. Gamzee & Goatdad

Gamzee & Goatdad: Hanyauku (Kwangali), The Act Of Walking On Tiptoes Across Warm Sand

Warning for parental neglect in this story

* * *

><p>You're right distracted and loose-panned from sopor, staring at your ceiling and wondering whether cracks are like, little motherfucking creatures that crawl across the stone whenever nobody's watching, and thinking that maybe you can fit an extra pie or two in before your sopor ration runs out, but then you hear him outside. You're kicking yourself real good when you realize, because fuck, you should have been all up and paying better attention, it's been long enough since he was in and you should've known to expect him home by now. Well, you'll just work with what you got and do as best you can. Miracles, right?<p>

You run outside and yell, "Dad!"

He doesn't much look up, and you can't say as you're much surprised, him being so motherfucking huge and all, and you being a tiny little fuck. And shit, you must've up and had more sopor than you'd thought, because you're only just now realizing as it's high noon. You're torn, because all staying out of the sun is one of those few things dad really drummed into you as a wriggler, but he never stays for long and if you wait for the sun to set, it'll take hours and you'll miss him altogether.

Ain't like just a _quick_ bit of sun will cook you. You set out across the sands for him without even up and bothering to go find a hat or cloak, because hey, you don't get much time to spend with family, and why waste the little time you have? You get about three steps onto the beach before you realize mother_fuck,_ the sand gets right fucking hot sitting out in the sun all day. You're all set to take it and deal, because family's family, and you've only got the one dad in the whole world, but your blood is cold as shit and this sand sure ain't, and goddamn this is starting to motherfucking _hurt_.

You go all right up on phalanges so it's only bits of your feets as are getting burned, moving as fast as you're able when you know every step is a fresh bite of pain. When you finally make it to the bits of sand as the waves keep washing over, you sigh with relief. You take one breath as to pull yourself back together, and head right for dad. He don't do much but look down at you and snort when he sees you there but he's here and you're here and ain't that the best motherfucking miracle of all? You throw your arms around his neck and just hold on for a bit and he lets you, him being all busy with chewing on what's left of a finbeast. Your face and arms are up and feeling pretty well-cooked by now, but that ain't no price to pay for spending time together.

Once he's done, which is too motherfucking soon for your tastes, he starts to go upright and you do your best to hang on. You go limp and try to hold him there for just a little piece longer, but it ain't so easy to hold on if he don't want to be held, and he shakes you off without hardly any effort at all. You try to catch one of his feet before he can go, but he bends down and shoves you with his nose so you go tumbling horns over ass into the surf. He snorts down at you while you sit there, indicating all up and real motherfucking salty that you need to get your ass back into hive, and no. You're fine, he's fine, can't he stay and you could cook him up some grubloaf, or show him your friends online, or, or show him what you've learned to do with your clubs—

But he's too motherfucking busy to listen to you, and even while you're scrambling upright he's all up and backed out to past where your feet touch ocean floor. You follow to your thighs, to thorax, even, but you're a motherfucking shitty learner and haven't managed to teach yourself to swim yet, and he's out of reach and near out of sight too. A wave near knocks you off your feet and you give up and drag yourself back to shore. The sand ain't near so hot with you all wet and dripping, but you're not like as to pay mind to that right now. Your face and arms are already right sore from the sun, but what are you going to do if that's when dad wants to come home? First thing, very first thing you do when you get to your hive is mark date on the calendar you keep hung next to your door, and then you settle right on down and get ready to wait again.


	14. Karkat-Terezi (Flushed)

Karkat/Terezi (Flushed): Wabi (Japanese), A Flawed Detail That Creates An Elegant Whole

* * *

><p>carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]<p>

CG: OKAY, HERE'S THE THING, AND TRUST ME I REALIZE THAT IT'S INSANELY AWKWARD TO JUST BRING THIS UP OUT OF NOWHERE BUT I WAS THINKING ABOUT A LOT OF STUFF AND I REALIZED THIS, AND I HAD TO SAY IT.  
>CG: YOU'RE NOT PERFECT.<br>CG: OH SHIT THAT LOOKS REALLY AWFUL SITTING THERE LIKE THAT.  
>GC: H3LLO TO YOU TOO K4RK4T :T<br>CG: NO, FUCK ME, THAT CAME OUT ALL WRONG.  
>CG: THESE CHAT CLIENTS SHOULD COME WITH AN UNDO BUTTON FOR THE SAKE OF ALL MORONIC, NUMB-PANNED IDIOTS TRYING TO DISCUSS DELICATE TOPICS<br>GC: WHO4 TH3R3  
>GC: WHY DONT YOU JUST SLOW DOWN 4ND 3XPL41N TH1NGS ST4RT1NG FROM TH3 B3G1NN1NG<br>CG: UGH, YEAH, THAT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST.  
>CG: THIS FEELS EVEN MORE AWKWARD KNOWING THAT YOU'RE THERE WATCHING ME TRY TO TYPE THIS OUT.<br>CG: OKAY, SO I KNOW I'VE BEEN KIND OF, YOU KNOW, WEIRD ABOUT THINGS.  
>CG: I PUT YOU UP ON A PEDESTAL, AND I WASN'T GIVING YOU SPACE, AND TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS YOU WERE TOTALLY ABLE TO HANDLE, AND DO I REALLY HAVE TO KEEP LISTING THINGS? BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE AN ABSOLUTE SHITHEAD AND I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.<br>GC: 1 KNOW WH4T YOU M34N!  
>GC: 1 W1LL B3 GR4C1OUS 4ND SP4RE YOUR POOR D3L1C4T3 F33L1NGS :]<br>CG: THANKS.  
>CG: I MEAN THAT BOTH SARCASTICALLY AND SINCERELY.<br>GC: BUT YOU 4R3 R1GHT  
>GC: 1T 1SNT PL34S4NT TO KNOW SOM3ON3 1S 1D34L1Z1NG YOU B3YOND WH4T YOU D3S3RV3<br>GC: FL4TTER1NG!  
>GC: BUT NOT COMFORT4BL3<br>CG: AND I WAS THE ASSHOLE DOING IT TO YOU.  
>GC: YOU W3R3 TH3 TROLL DO1NG 1T TO M3<br>CG: AND SO YOU GOT MAD AT ME, AND I WAS MAD BECAUSE YOU WERE MAD AT ME WHEN I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE NICE.  
>GC: YOU SHOULDNT DO TH4T!<br>GC: YOU M1GHT STR41N YOURS3LF :]  
>CG: …<br>CG: THANKS A LOT.  
>CG: BUT ANYWAYS, I WAS HURT BECAUSE I COULDN'T SEE WHY YOU WERE PISSED THAT I WAS TREATING YOU LIKE I THOUGHT YOU OUGHT TO BE TREATED.<br>CG: BECAUSE, UGH. I'M ONLY SAYING THIS BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE YOU HAVE THE COMMON DECENCY NOT TO GO SPREADING THIS AROUND.  
>CG: IT WAS PRETTY MUCH THE FIRST TIME I'D HAD ANY HOPE OF *ANYONE* BEING FLUSHED BACK FOR ME, AND I ONLY WANTED TO SEE THE GOOD PARTS OF YOU.<br>CG: BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE A REAL PERSON  
>GC: TH4TS R1GHT!<br>CG: BUT IT'S HARD TO *SEE* THAT, YOU KNOW?  
>CG: BUT THEN I WAS THINKING ABOUT THINGS. AND YOU LOVE LICKING PEOPLE'S FACES, EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW THEY DON'T ENJOY IT.<br>GC: 1 4M 4 POOR BL1ND G1RL!  
>GC: YOU SHOULD 4CCOUNT FOR MY D1S4B1L1TY 4ND SP3C14L N33DS :]<br>CG: YEAH, EXCEPT YOU'RE WAY MORE COMPETENT THAN ANYONE I KNOW WHO STILL HAS BOTH THEIR EYES, YOU SEE FINE WITH JUST YOUR NOSE, AND I NOTICED YOU *REALLY* GET A KICK OUT OF LICKING ME WHEN I'M TRYING TO FOCUS ON PROGRAMMING OR A GAME OR WHATEVER.  
>GC: :O<br>GC: M3?  
>CG: AND YOU LOVE TO PLAY THE BLIND GIRL CARD JUST TO DERAIL OTHER PEOPLE, AND YOU ACT ALL SURPRISED WHEN THEY TRY TO CALL YOU OUT ON YOUR BULLSHIT.<br>CG: YOU STEAL MY FOOD WHEN I'M NOT WATCHING, YOU DRAW ALL OVER MY WALLS, AND YOU LEAVE YOUR CRAP ALL OVER MY HIVE AND IGNORE ME WHEN I TELL YOU TO PUT IT AWAY.  
>CG: YOU PLAY MIND GAMES WITH EVERYONE WHETHER THEY WANT TO PLAY OR NOT, AND WHEN YOU FORGET TO PAY ATTENTION, YOU TREAT OTHER PEOPLE LIKE TOYS.<br>CG: WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT I REALIZED YOU AREN'T PERFECT AND I SHOULD STOP TREATING YOU LIKE YOU ARE.  
>CG: BUT ALSO YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT PUTTING UP WITH AN ASSHOLE WHO'S NOT EMOTIONALLY MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE AN ADULT RELATIONSHIP, SO THERE'S THAT.<br>GC: 4WWW, TH4T'S SO SW33T!  
>GC: SHOULD 1 L1ST 4LL TH3 W4YS TH4T YOUR3 NOT P3RF3CT TOO?<br>CG: GOD, PLEASE DON'T.  
>CG: WE'D BE HERE ALL NIGHT.<br>GC: 4H4H4H4H4H4 ONLY 4 F3W HOURS 4T MOST!  
>CG: I'M *TRYING* TO SAY I'M SORRY, AND THAT I'M DOING MY BEST TO GET BETTER ABOUT THINGS.<br>GC: 1 C4N S33 TH4T!  
>GC: 4ND 1 DO S1NC3R3LY 4PPR3C14T3 TH3 3FFORT<br>CG: I DO TOTALLY GET IT IF YOU'D RATHER I STAY OUT OF YOUR WAY FOR A WHILE.  
>GC: 4CTU4LLY 1D B33N GO1NG TO 4SK YOU 1F YOU W4NT3D TO COM3 OV3R TO MY H1V3 FOR 4 N1GHT OR TWO<br>GC: 1F YOUR3 ST1LL F33L1NG B4D 4BOUT TH1NGS YOU COULD SHOW M3 HOW SORRY YOU R34LLY 4R3 ;]  
>CG: OH.<br>CG: UM.  
>CG: ARE YOU SURE?<br>GC: WOULD 1 4SK YOU 1F 1 D1DNT R34LLY M34N 1T?  
>CG: …YES.<br>CG: YOU DO THAT KIND OF THING INCREDIBLY OFTEN.  
>GC: OK4Y T3CHN1C4LLY Y3S BUT TH1S T1M3 1 R34LLY W4SNT M3SS1NG 4ROUND<br>CG: SURE, THEN.  
>CG: I'D LOVE TO COME OVER.<br>GC: TH3N 1D B3TT3R PR3P4R3 MY BOUDO1R!  
>GC: YOU W1LL B3 ROM4NC3D SO H4RD YOU M4Y N3V3R R3COV3R ;]]]]]]]<br>GC: SHOO FOR NOW, I H4V3 SUCH PR3P4R4T1ONS TO M4K3  
>GC: B3 H3R3 1N THR33 HOURS?<br>CG: UH, YEAH.  
>CG: I CAN DO THAT.<br>CG: I'LL SEE YOU LATER.  
>CG: 3<br>GC: 3

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]


	15. Bro & Dave 2: Electric Boogaloo

Bro & Dave: Amatúlië (Quenya) "Welcome", Literally "Blessed Arrival"

* * *

><p>You're just out to buy cigarettes, thinking about nothing much at all while you walk back home. And then you see the meteor. You know in theory that there are plenty of meteor<em>ites<em> all the time that burn up in the atmosphere, but this is sure something else. It looks like it goes down somewhere in the city, but you can't really tell where with all the high-rises crowding along your street. You don't really think much of it until a whole day later when you try to go to your favorite record store for some new fantastically shitty music, and whoops, looks like you found the meteor. And a baby. Huh.

You head down into the crater and pick the little guy up. _First_ order of business is a pair of kickass shades for the dude. Fortunately, you are always prepared for all contingencies and you can set him up right away. His hair's even a near-perfect color match for yours, and you haven't had much opportunity to evaluate the kid's coolness levels yet, but you make a pretty damn awesome matched set.

Looks like the little dude arrived with a pony too, one that's now pretty definitively deceased. You captchalogue the thing anyhow, because you're pretty sure you can make _something_ out of it for the new kid, tuck him up under one arm, and head off for home. You give Roxy a call as you head out, but she answers with something rushed and garbled about how there's totally a baby in the lake, and she thinks she might keep her? Haha, space baby kidnapping, here she comes! And she hangs up on you without waiting for an answer. Huh. You'll have to follow up with her in a day or so, but it looks like there's all kinds of interesting shit going down.

You get the new guy up to your apartment, and it's a little weird to realize you're already thinking of him as yours, but the more you consider it, the more it feels incredibly _right._ You drop the police a call explaining that you just found this kid abandoned, and asks if anyone's reported a baby missing (and maybe you're already hoping nobody reports him and _definitely_ you're getting way ahead of yourself). The dude's starting to fuss, so you give him a shuriken to play with, one that's blunt enough that the edges won't do shit. He tries to throw it at you and laughs, and what can you say, the kid's got that perfect killer instinct. You grin and give it to him again and sit down on the floor while he throws the shuriken at you and you pass it back to him. Is he a Dave? He looks like a Dave. You think you're going to keep calling him Dave.


	16. Davesprite-John (Pale)

Davesprite/John (Pale): Cafuné (Portuguese), Running Your Fingers Through The Hair (Or Feathers) Of Someone You Love

* * *

><p>turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]<p>

TG: fucking fuck fuck fuck shit godDAMMIT  
>EB: whoa!<br>EB: what's wrong, dude?  
>TG: its these fucking feathers thats whats wrong<br>TG: im a fucking bird and that is a problem that is NEVER going away  
>EB: well, yeah.<br>EB: but i thought you'd gotten used to it by now?  
>TG: getting used to it is one thing<br>TG: having a body that is an unholy mashup of things that were not meant to be is another  
>TG: okay so heres the deal<br>TG: i have feathers right  
>EB: you do?<br>TG: dont you fucking start  
>TG: so i have feathers<br>TG: what do birds do with feathers  
>EB: …<br>EB: you're going to have to help me out here.  
>TG: birds PREEN their feathers<br>TG: with their beaks  
>TG: and their flexible as fuck necks<br>TG: i have neither of those things  
>TG: i have these godawful fucking human ARMS which go the wrong direction from my body and are pretty limited in the joint department<br>TG: i also have these wings that get in the way of everything but please note that they particularly limit access to my back  
>TG: i have a massive patch of feathers in the middle of my back<br>TG: can you put these pieces together  
>EB: huh!<br>EB: i hadn't thought about it that way before.  
>EB: can't you find one of those awesome back scratcher things?<br>TG: already tried that shit  
>TG: see the thing is that i need to groom these feathers which means laying them down flat and orderly<br>TG: back scratchers do the opposite of that  
>TG: and i think the feathery bits fucked with my skin or something because turns out in some spots things got delicate as fuck<br>EB: whoa, that really sucks.  
>EB: i guess that's one of those things that never comes up when you're thinking about sprite prototyping!<br>EB: and jaspers has all those tentacles, so it wouldn't be an issue for him, and nanna's all human-shaped still.  
>EB: have you tried asking jade for help?<br>TG: yeah and she tries but the bigass dog claws are rough  
>TG: they sometimes tear up the delicate parts and then she feels awful and i feel like a fucking asshole for doing that to her<br>TG: i told her id worked out how to take care of it but my solution may or may not have been just to ignore the problem  
>TG: it was okay at first but its like not scratching an itch and it just builds and builds until youre pretty much ready to fucking explode<br>EB: well, as it happens, i seem to be in possession of a pair of hands that don't appear to have claws of any sort!  
>EB: im in my house right now if you wanted to come by?<br>EB: and dude, you could totally have asked sooner!  
>EB: i can't believe you let it slide for so long.<br>TG: really  
>TG: its not going to be weird for you or anything<br>EB: any weirdness won't stand a chance against our supreme bro power!  
>EB: and haven't you ever had someone scratch your head before?<br>EB: it feels fucking AWESOME.  
>EB: i'm not saying i require payment for services rendered, but i sure wouldn't turn down any gesture along those lines!<br>TG: well shit  
>TG: you know me<br>TG: im a consummate gentleman  
>TG: wouldnt dream of letting my best bro do something like that for me without giving him a helping hand of my own<br>TG: your house you said  
>TG: ill be there in five<p>

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]


	17. Eridan-Terezi (Pale)

Eridan/Terezi (Pale): Attaccabottoni (Italian), A Person Who Corners You To Tell You Long, Meaningless Stories, Usually About Their Oh-So-Miserable Life

* * *

><p>caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]<p>

CA: rezi  
>CA: ter<br>CA: terezi  
>CA: fuckin hell all a those sound dowwnright fuckin stupid im apparently such a goddamn failure i cant even givve someone a basic fuckin NICKNAME<br>GC: OH BOY  
>GC: 4ND HOW M4Y 1 H3LP YOU TON1GHT?<br>GC: ON 4 S1D3 NOT3 1T 1S V3RY D1PLOM4T1C OF YOU TO C4LL MY 4CTU4L FULL N4ME STUP1D  
>CA: i think im gonna go with rezi<br>CA: and wwhats wwrong wwhat do you think is wwrong  
>CA: same as alwways my lifes a miserable fuckin mess and im nevver gonna get it back on track an ill die alone an unlovved<br>GC: 1M GL4D TO S33 TH4T MY CONTR1BUT1ON 1S SO 1MPORT4NT TO YOU :/  
>CA: no fuckin hell that's not wwhat i meant<br>CA: a course youre an integral part a my horrible fuckin life  
>CA: a life wwhich wwould be evven more unbearably shitty wwithout you in it<br>GC: 4WWW, YOU S4Y TH3 SW33T3ST TH1NGS :]  
>GC: SO WH4T 1N P4RT1CUL4R 1S 3SPEC14LLY WRONG R1GHT NOW?<br>CA: wwell  
>CA: first off i wwas at kars place an talkin about stuff<br>CA: an i dont think hes come around to admittin id be a quality fuckin matesprit yet but im definitely wwearin him dowwn  
>CA: but i wwas talkin about sol an bouncin some ideas off him for gettin the hate really flowwin you knoww<br>CA: an at first he wwas just kinda bored but he started totally shuttin me dowwn an wwhat the fuck does he think im such an asshole that he feels like he needs to manage my quadrants that dont evven invvolvve him  
>GC: OH D34R :[<br>GC: 1 TH1NK YOU M4Y B3 WORK1NG W1TH SOM3 F4ULTY 4SSUMPT1ONS TH3R3  
>GC: 1 H4V3 R34SON TO B3L13V3 TH4T M1ST3RS V4NT4S 4ND C4PTOR M4Y SOON B3 FORM4L1Z1NG 4 P1TCH R3L4T1ONSH1P<br>GC: W1TH 34CH OTH3R  
>CA: oh<br>CA: then fuckin hell im basically the most insensitivve shitty friend in the history a all alternia  
>CA: ill be lucky if kar EVVER decides to speak to me again at this rate<br>CA: surprised he didnt boot me outta his hivve right at the start me talkin all up in sols quadrant like that an him all set to make it formal  
>CA: but wwhat am i to expect rezi youvve seen the wway sol treats me<br>CA: ivve totally wwrecked evverythin an I bet neither a them wwill evver speak to me again  
>GC: 3R1D4N<br>GC: C4LM DOWN TH3R3  
>GC: WH4T H4V3 1 TOLD YOU 4BOUT D3F1N1NG YOUR FR13NDSH1PS 1N T3RMS OF QU4DR4NTS YOU DONT 4CTU4LLY H4V3?<br>CA: cmon rezi lay off  
>GC: NO 1D L1K3 4N 4NSW3R PL34S3<br>GC: JUST TO B3 SUR3 YOUR3 R3M3MB3R1NG 3V3RYTH1NG CORR3CTLY  
>GC: DO 1T FOR M3? :]<br>CA: you told me not to do it  
>GC: 4ND?<br>CA: ugh fine  
>CA: you told me to treat them like friends first an only wworry about quadrants wwhen somethin happens as givves me cause to wworry<br>GC: V3RY GOOD!  
>GC: GOOD 1N TH3ORY 1F NOT GOOD 1N PR4CT1C3<br>CA: but rezi I wwas tryin to let it happen all natural  
>CA: sol an i FELT right you know<br>CA: felt right for ages an ages noww an i really think the wworld a kar an hes just so swweet he tears himself up so bad tryin to take care a everyone  
>CA: an i didnt only lose any hope wwith sol but i fucked up wway wworse than i evver thought i could wwith kar<br>GC: 3R1D4N  
>GC: YOU C4NT FORC3 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P 4ND HOP3 TO 3ND UP H4PPY<br>CA: i knoww i knoww but i wwas tryin to let it happen sloww an fucked up bad anywways  
>CA: you just start wwonderin after so long if youre evver gonna find someone for you an you think youre gettin somewwhere an suddenly youre all blindsided with the fact that you fucked up regardless<br>CA: an that just makes you wwonder harder if theres somethin wwrong an nobody wwill evver lovve you  
>GC: 1 4PP4R3NTLY DO NOT COUNT :  
>CA: no no fuck im fuckin up wworse<br>CA: you shut your flap about not countin  
>CA: if you wwerent around my life wwould be an unmanageable hopeless wwreck<br>GC: 4ND W1TH MY SK1LLFUL 1NT3RV3NT1ON 1T H4S B33N R3DUC3D TO M3R3LY 4 HOP3L3SS WR3CK :]  
>CA: come on rezi<br>CA: lay off already  
>CA: i cant deal wwith the teasin right noww<br>GC: 1M SORRY  
>GC: YOUV3 H4D 4N UNPL34S4NT N1GHT 4ND 1 H4V3NT B33N H3LP1NG<br>CA: no its good that you told me wwhats up  
>CA: or i probably wwoulda made things evven wworse<br>GC: ST1LL  
>GC: L3T M3 M4K3 1T UP TO YOU?<br>CA: howw  
>GC: WH1L3 SP34K1NG TO YOU 1 H4V3 B33N MULT1T4SK1NG 4ND STOCK1NG MY SYLL4D3X FOR 4 F3W N1GHTS ST4Y 4T 4 MYST3R1OUS SOM3ON3S H1V3<br>GC: WHO COULD 1 B3 PL4NN1NG TO V1S1T?  
>CA: you really mean that<br>CA: i thought you had a date tomorroww  
>GC: Y3S W3LL<br>GC: YOU 4R3 NOT TH3 ONLY ON3 B31NG 1NCONV3N13NC3D BY M1ST3R 4PPL3B3RRYS 4CQU1S1T1ON OF A SH1NY N3W K1SM3S1S  
>GC: 1 ONLY FOUND OUT 4BOUT H1M 4ND K4RK4T B3C4US3 1 D3M4ND3D 4N 3XPL4N4T1ON FOR WHY H3 K3PT PUTT1NG OFF PL4NS W1TH M3 :  
>CA: oh fuck and here ivve been wwhinin to you about my problems<br>CA: uh  
>CA: im sure itll go back to normal once he an kar settle dowwn a bit together<br>GC: 1 B3L13V3 SO!  
>GC: TH3 SP4D3S 4R3 FLY1NG 4ND H3 H4S NO ROOM 1N H1S L1F3 FOR 4 T4TT3R3D OLD M4T3SPR1T<br>CA: i wwould tell you not to talk so bad about yourself  
>CA: but i already KNOWW youre wway too fuckin vvain to mean it<br>GC: GU1LTY 4S CH4RG3D!  
>GC: 4ND 1 W1LL H4V3 TH3 OPPORTUN1TY TO T34S3 H1M M3RC1L3SSLY ONC3 H3 H4S T1M3 FOR M3 4G41N<br>GC: 1N TH3 M34NT1M3 SH4LL W4 H4V3 OUR OWN D4T3 TOG3TH3R?  
>GC: 1T W1LL B3 F4R SUP3R1OR TO 4NY D4T3S C3RT41N OTH3R TROLLS H4PP3N TO B3 H4V1NG<br>GC: W3 C4N W4TCH '1N WH1CH 4 YOUNG, LON3LY TROLL 1NJUR3S 4ND GR4DU4LLY B3FR13NDS 4 D34DLY W1LD SC4L3B34ST, 3TC, 3TC'  
>CA: you only like that movvie because youre fuckin obsessed wwith dragons<br>GC: DONT YOU PR3T3ND L1K3 YOU DON'T CRY 4T TH3 3ND WH3R3 H3 S4V3S 3V3RYON3 4ND H1S LUSUS TH1NKS H3S D34D  
>CA: shut up you promised to stop teasin<br>CA: and its just a vvery touchin sacrifice okay  
>GC: SO W3LL W4TCH TH3 MOV13 4ND YOU C4N M4K3 M3 POPCORN<br>GC: 4ND N4CHOS W1TH HOT GRUBS4UC3  
>GC: 4ND DO YOU H4V3 4NY CR34MS1CL3S?<br>CA: im just gonna cut this off before you list evvery food knowwn to trollkind  
>CA: ill make you some nice things<br>CA: an itll be a surprise okay  
>CA: that means NO BADGERIN ME to tell you wwhats wwhat<br>GC: BUT TH3 B3ST P4RT 1S WH3N YOU F1N4LLY CR4CK 4ND T3LL M3 :[  
>CA: play nice this time an ill make it wworth your wwhile<br>CA: fucks sake just let me just do somethin nice for you wwithout you makin it absolute hell  
>GC: 1 W1LL DO MY B3ST TO BE GOOD<br>GC: 1 JUST H4V3 4 HUNG3R FOR KNOWL3DG3  
>GC: 4ND POPCORN<br>CA: im pretty sure you have a hunger for evverythin youvve evver fuckin encountered  
>CA: im gonna run noww so i can be sure the delivvery drone beats you here<br>CA: see you soon  
>CA:<br>GC:

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]


	18. Dave-Karkat

Dave/Karkat: Resfeber (Swedish), The Restless Race Of The Traveler's Heart Before The Journey Begins, When Anxiety And Anticipation Are Tangled Together

* * *

><p>carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]<p>

CG: OKAY, THAT'S IT, I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE.  
>CG: I AM OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCING THAT I HAVE LOST ALL OF MY PALTRY ABILITY TO HANDLE ANYTHING, AND I'M STEPPING DOWN FROM THIS MISSION.<br>CG: WE'RE TURNING THIS METEOR AROUND.  
>TG: whoa<br>TG: dude  
>TG: calm your tits<br>CG: MY TITS ARE CALM.  
>CG: MY TITS ARE THE EYE OF THE HURRICANE THAT IS MY MISERABLE LIFE, THAT'S HOW CALM THEY ARE.<br>TG: if you say so  
>TG: impartial observers might beg to differ<br>CG: FUCK YOU AND YOUR IMPARTIAL OBSERVERS.  
>CG: WHY DON'T WE LOOP BACK AROUND AND BEGIN THIS TRIP AGAIN?<br>CG: MAYBE WITH TWO MORE SWEEPS TO WORK WITH, I'LL SOMEHOW APPROACH HAVING THE ABILITY TO DEAL WITH ANY OF THIS.  
>TG: just take it as it comes man<br>TG: and if you made any of us repeat three more years of this shit i think we might literally go insane  
>CG: FINE.<br>CG: YOU ALL CAN JUMP OFF THE METEOR OR WHATEVER AND I WILL KEEP RIDING IT INTO OBLIVION.  
>CG: OH, WHAT A PEACEFUL OBLIVION IT WILL BE.<br>CG: JUST LOOK AT ALL THE DECISIONS I WON'T HAVE TO MAKE.  
>TG: are you hyperventilating<br>TG: because it kind of sounds like youre hyperventilating  
>CG: DON'T YOU DARE ACT LIKE YOU'RE ABOVE THIS.<br>CG: YOU'RE TERRIFIED OF DEALING WITH YOUR WEIRD HUMAN LUSUS AGAIN.  
>TG: yeah the difference is that i just pile on the denial until it stops feeling like reality<br>TG: im sitting here under a pile of blankets woven from the finest refusing-to-deal-with-this-shit, drinking hot chocolate made from nope-still-not-thinking-about-it  
>TG: you should try it sometime<br>CG: FUCK YOU.  
>TG: here look im going to roleplay as my bro<br>TG: *buries you in a pile of bizarrely sexual puppets*  
>TG: *drags you to the top of a thirty-story apartment building to kick your ass in a sword fight*<br>TG: *drapes his hideous fucking puppet all over you every time youre not looking*  
>TG: wow surreal its like hes here in this room with me<br>CG: GOSH, DAVE.  
>CG: YOU'RE SO GOOD AT THIS HUMAN DENIAL THING.<br>CG: I'M JUST LOOKING AT YOU OVER THERE SHAKING IN YOUR HUMAN SHOES.  
>TG: as opposed to what<br>TG: troll shoes  
>TG: because there is functionally fuck-all difference between them<br>CG: SHUT UP, WHAT I MEAN IS THAT IT'S CLEAR YOU'RE NOT DEALING WITH THIS WELL, SO STOP BEING SUCH A SHITTY ACTOR AND ADMIT IT.  
>TG: nah<br>CG: SEE?  
>CG: YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING AWFUL LIAR. IT'S SO OBVIOUS YOU'RE FLIPPING OUT.<br>TG: no seriously dude are you hyperventilating  
>CG: MAYBE.<br>CG: JUST A LITTLE.  
>TG: ugh fine why dont we go hang out together and play awful board games or something<br>TG: or you know what I bet you havent been sleeping again  
>TG: how do you even function<br>TG: where are you  
>CG: UH.<br>CG: ACTUALLY I CAME TO FIND YOU, BUT THEN I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR SO I MESSAGED YOU INSTEAD.  
>TG: karkat<br>TG: are you serious  
>TG: are you ACTUALLY serious<br>CG: CAN YOU LET ME IN NOW?  
>TG: ...<br>TG: coming

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]


	19. Rose & Karkat

Rose & Karkat: Uhtceare (Old English), Lying Awake Before Dawn And Worrying

* * *

><p>You are wandering the halls of the meteor, entirely unable to sleep (again), when you come upon Karkat. When you call out a soft, "Hello," he jumps and spins, glaring at you as though it's your fault that he was frightened.<p>

"The fuck are you doing awake?" is all he says.

You shrug, and he falls into step with you as you proceed onward. "Not much, I'm afraid. And you?"

One shoulder twitches, and he gives a vaguely negative grunt. There are a few breaths of silence, and when you turn your head to look at him, he's watching you. "You look like absolute shit."

You honestly can't help laughing. "I see you are a master of tact and diplomacy."

He goes bright, bright red and hunches his shoulders up around his ears. "I'm just _saying._"

"Lack of sleep can have a rather drastic effect on one's appearance." You shoot him a sideways glance. "As I expect you would know."

He doesn't try to deny anything, just shoves his hands in his pockets and walks on. After a minute, he ventures, "So you come out to stalk the halls of the meteor like a sleep-deprived daywalker?"

"After a while, staring at the ceiling does begin to get old. I thought I'd try for a change of scenery."

This grunt sounds rather like agreement. "My respiteblock felt really suffocating. I thought if I could tire myself out a bit it might shut off my thinkpan and I could actually pass out."

"Worrying?"

That makes him laugh. "What the fuck do you think? What else do I honestly have to think about but the impressive numbers of things that have gone wrong, continue to go wrong, and may go wrong in the future, thanks to my incompetent hand steering this whole goddamn mess?"

"Well, you might be thinking of your moirail, Terezi, the new game we'll be arriving for, any number of things."

"Yeah, _worrying_ about my moirail, Terezi, and the new game. No fear, I've got all that ground and more covered." You're guiltily wondering whether you should tease him further when his head whips around and he fixes you with an intent stare. "And you? What kind of things are keeping you up at this hour of the day?"

You purse your lips and consider lying, but that would be unworthy of you. "Worries, of course. I expect it would be different issues than occupy you, but there do seem to be quite a number of problems available to fixate upon."

His laugh is dry and humorless. The two of you are approaching the kitchen (or, you suppose, the food preparation block), and you can hear faint noises ahead. When you turn into the room, Terezi is already there laying thick slabs of bacon onto a large skillet and Kanaya is sitting at the table, sipping a cup of tea. It must be later than you thought, and if you do the math… yes, nearly three hours of sleep, about the usual. Terezi exclaims at the two early wingbeasts and gleefully teases Karkat while you take a seat next to Kanaya. You lean against her shoulder and let your eyes drift shut. Perhaps tomorrow night will be better.


	20. Jane-Roxy (Pale)

Jane/Roxy (Pale): Avoir Le Mal De Quelqu'un (French), Missing Someone So Much It Literally Makes You Sick

Warning for some serious depression and isolation/loneliness in this story

* * *

><p>tipsyGnostic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]<p>

TG: jaaaaneye  
>TG: jaene<br>TG: r uu theeere  
>TG: yuou shuld reaalaly be theer<br>GG: Oh boy.  
>GG: Roxy, are you okay?<br>TG: jaaaaaaaaaaaaannaeyyyyy!  
>TG: im totse oakay liek whaoa<br>GG: Because you really, really don't sound okay!  
>TG: nooono no i gott this<br>TG: *but imm not gonnan fxi all thohse typos up thurr  
>TG: seee im perferctlly fine<br>TG: *prefererfefcterecally  
>GG: Well, if you say so, I guess?<br>GG: What's up?  
>TG: nohthinnnnnnnnnnnnng<br>TG: therer is fcukall up an nobodyy aroudn like LTIERALLY nobodry  
>TG: janeey i cnant handel it anymoeer i cnat i cant<br>TG: jaaaane ivee never heardd antoher human  
>TG: NEVRE<br>TG: itst killign me its KILLING ME jjane poeple wernent maent to dael withh thsi  
>GG: Oh god.<br>GG: Roxy, you know you can talk to me anytime, right?  
>GG: I wish this chat client had a voice feature.<br>GG: And you're sure you can't get a phone I could call, or get your mom to let me visit, or get her to let you go out more often or anything?  
>TG: no jaene thosse are LITERERALLY NOT POSISSIBLE<br>TG: TSHOSE ARE NTO OTPTIONS  
>GG: I'm really sorry.<br>GG: …  
>GG: Are you mad at me?<br>TG: lolklll no im ntot mda  
>TG: ur m y bsest friedn<br>TG: and yuore teh actaual best too  
>TG: i jsut wishh evreryhting was diffrerent<br>TG: i wshish my freiends wre whrere I cld see them im not buitlt to b loenly adn its dsestroyign me  
>GG: Can you please let me know if there's anything I can do to help?<br>GG: Anything at all, I mean that.  
>TG: noooooo<br>TG: i mean i kno thtat ur wlillign to help  
>TG: which ICNIDENTALLLY is yte anohter reason u are my fav and a graeat hmuman beign<br>TG: but threres rly nohting to do btu wait :(((((((  
>GG: Wait for what, exactly?<br>TG: noooep cant tlell u thta bcuz its goingn to be a big surpriese  
>GG: Okay, that's not the most comforting thing to hear after the way you've been acting.<br>TG: I'm srorryyyyyy :((((((((((((((((((  
>TG: jsut plz trutst me<br>GG: I can do that part, but I do wish you'd tell me what's up so I can help you better.  
>TG: naahhh i got thsi an i ddidnt mean to braek dwn like that im feelein btetter i proismse<br>TG: ts just i knew whta i was getttin into and i thought i was bdasass enouugh to hadnle it  
>TG: btu turns out sxiteen yeaers is a whoel lot more whne yourre livnin throuough it<br>TG: i SWEAER thta soon ill b abel to tlell you evrytthing  
>TG: i just haffta hlod out a littel longer<br>GG: So you're just going to put all this out here, and not explain?  
>TG: :(<br>TG: srrrryyyyyyyy  
>TG: i raeally cnat<br>GG: But you promise you'll tell me soon?  
>TG: yse!<br>TG: i releally wnat to now :((((  
>GG: I don't LIKE it, but if you can't, you can't.<br>GG: Just, look, message me anytime, okay?  
>GG: Even if you're doing your darndest to make me stop worrying, I can tell that this isn't good.<br>GG: So will you also promise to do that? To message me, I mean.  
>TG: i can!<br>TG: slassh will  
>TG: i cna slalsh will messsaege you lots n losts<br>TG: adn soon itll b all btetter  
>TG: i maean lolllll ive prollly said moer than i shld already<br>TG: but ur wrorth t so no regrests!  
>TG: i should prollyy bail for nwow tho<br>TG: ahcieve a slihtghtly lower levele of drunk  
>GG: That definitely does sound like a good idea!<br>GG: This has been an impressively illegible conversation.  
>GG: But remember, you promised to message me!<br>GG: I'll be in most of the evening, and even if I'm out I'll have something portable.  
>TG: l)<br>TG: *;)  
>TG: illl rmemember!<br>TG: an ur the bset janey yuo rly are so u gotta remmembrer thta for me  
>GG: Can do!<br>GG: I'll talk to you later, then.  
>TG: Yuo bet!<p>

tipsyGnostic [TG] has ceased bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]


	21. Bro & Dave 3: The Third One

Bro & Dave: Vater Werden Ist Nicht Schwer, Vater Sein Dagegen Sehr (German), Becoming A Father Isn't Hard, But Being One Is

* * *

><p>You're not a dumb guy, but taking care of your little dude is way more trouble than you could have possibly anticipated. Babies, you know, they're <em>fine<em> in theory. You see babies all the goddamn time, and the worst you ever spot is crying. You could deal with crying, but Dave shits like you never thought someone that tiny could possibly shit. And some of that poop is colors that were _not_ meant to come out of a human body. Diapers. You're still kicking yourself that the first thing you did when you brought him home _wasn't_ to haul out in your car and pack the thing floor to ceiling with diapers.

And diapers and all the shit, okay. That's unrelentingly awful. But then there's other stuff that keeps hitting you out of goddamn _nowhere_ and you'd never had nine months of pregnancy to prep you for handling a baby. You need a car seat for the little man? Okay, how are you supposed to drive out to buy one when you don't have any way to strap him into the car? Your driving is fucking peerless, but your car… isn't, and you're single-parenting this gig up, so you don't even have someone to watch the dude at home. Formula, you've got that on lock, and baby food, but turns out you don't have _bottles_ to put the formula in and even your smallest spoons aren't really the right size for a baby mouth. You don't even realize until about five days in that the little guy needs more than the one outfit he came with.

You call up Roxy for advice since she happened to find another random-ass meteor kid at about the same time, but she's just as lost as you are, with a totally set of different problems. Apparently her baby likes to eat. She _really_ likes to eat. She likes to eat so goddamn much that she makes herself throw up, but then she starts crying because guess what, now she's hungry again. Roxy sounds completely frazzled, but she's a master of taking weird shit in stride, and she'll probably get the hang of this a hell of a lot faster than you will. You end up calling each other practically every day to complain and ask for advice and share cute stories. You can't help it, because even if he's a pain in the ass, the little dude's adorable as shit and you can't blame Roxy for talking about Rose forever when you love Dave so fucking much. You've already decided your kids are going to be best friends when they grow up, and you make all kinds of hilarious plans to introduce them to each other and laugh together when you realize they'll never believe it when you tell them you orchestrated the whole thing.


	22. Aradia-Sollux (Flushed)

Aradia/Sollux: Lebensmüde Sein (German), Life-Tired, Having Lost All Joy In Living

Warning for discussion of death and depression in this story

* * *

><p>apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]<p>

AA: hell0 s0llux  
>TA: iit2 real funny how ii blocked you and ba2iically begged you two leave me alone and yet here you are<br>TA: ju2t look at how 2urprii2ed ii am  
>AA: it was necessary t0 talk t0 y0u<br>TA: 2iince youre pretty much nothiing liike how you u2ed two be ii gue22 ii 2hould clariify that ii meant funny iin the 2en2e of 'the oppo2iite of funny'  
>TA: kk 2ay2 ii 2hould try two iignore you<br>TA: ii thiink iim goiing two do that 2tarting now  
>TA: have fun talkiing two a blank 2creen<br>AA: i realize that this has n0t been easy f0r y0u  
>AA: and these struggles were n0t s0mething i ever wished t0 inflict 0n y0u<br>AA: i did n0t understand myself until after my death had passed  
>AA: if i had n0t died<br>AA: we w0uld lack critical insights that are necessary f0r the c0ntinued survival 0f 0ur race  
>AA: and the meth0d of my death was as it had t0 be<br>AA: i d0 kn0w that this is n0t c0mf0rting t0 y0u  
>AA: but c0mf0rting is n0t the same as imp0rtant<br>AA: s0llux  
>AA: y0u may blame y0urself f0r my death<br>AA: i wish that was n0t the case  
>AA: but there are f0rces at w0rk here that are m0ving inex0rably f0rward<br>AA: my death was a key p0int that all0ws us the chance t0 succeed  
>AA: any my life w0uld have d00med us t0 failure and 0bliterati0n<br>AA: y0u say that i am changed  
>AA: and that y0u are changed<br>AA: but i kn0w y0u  
>AA: as i have always kn0wn y0u<br>AA: y0u are reading these messages and y0u must understand what i am trying t0 tell y0u  
>AA: i d0 n0t enj0y making y0u suffer<br>AA: but y0u must rec0ver and c0ntinue t0 m0ve f0rward  
>AA: as my death was necessary<br>AA: it is als0 necessary that y0u f0rgive y0urself and c0ntinue with y0ur life  
>AA: with0ut y0ur assistance i am unable t0 acc0mplish everything that must be d0ne<br>AA: y0u and i must w0rk t0gether  
>AA: i am s0rry<br>AA: s0 s0rry  
>AA: but y0u must either blame y0urself f0r my death al0ne<br>AA: 0r accept resp0nsibility f0r the destructi0n 0f 0ur entire race  
>AA: it is n0t a ch0ice ever i wished t0 inflict 0n y0u<br>AA: but it is necessary f0r y0u t0 f0rgive y0urself and take j0y in life again

twinArmageddons [TA] has blocked apocalypseArisen [AA]

AA: i will speak t0 y0u again s00n


	23. Karkat-Gamzee (Pale) 2

Karkat/Gamzee (Pale): Démissioner (French), Giving Up, Resigning, Or Abdicating

* * *

><p>carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]<p>

CG: SO, ARE YOU GOING TO ACTUALLY TALK TO ME TODAY?  
>CG: OR IS THIS GOING TO BE ANOTHER ROUND OF PRETENDING TO BE BLIND, DEAF, AND LACKING ALL ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE YOUR THOUGHTS THROUGH THE WRITTEN WORD?<br>CG: BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE THERE.  
>CG: TEREZI TOLD ME YOU LITERALLY *JUST* MESSAGED HER.<br>CG: YOU'RE NOT EVEN IDLE, I KNOW YOU'RE THERE AND READING THIS AND IGNORING ME JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING.  
>CG: OR SHIT, ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?<br>CG: LIKE, IS THERE SOMETHING GOING ON THAT YOU *DO* NEED MY HELP FOR?  
>CG: I CAN CAPTCHALOGUE ENOUGH SNUGGLEPLANES FOR A DECENT PILE IF YOU NEED ME TO COME FIND YOU.<br>CG: YES?  
>CG: NO?<br>CG: JUST, UH, HONK IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME.  
>CG: …<br>CG: OR NOT.  
>CG: YOU KNOW, I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHY I BOTHER.<br>CG: I MAY HAVE DONE SOME PAN-MELTINGLY STUPID THINGS IN THE PAST, BUT ACTUALLY MANAGING TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT YOU MIGHT WANT ME AROUND PROBABLY TAKES THE CAKE.  
>CG: BECAUSE YOU DON'T.<br>CG: YOU CLEARLY DON'T WANT ME.  
>CG: I WISH I KNEW WHY I WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AT CONVINCING MYSELF THAT I MIGHT JUST POSSIBLY, FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, BE NEEDED.<br>CG: DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW IT WAS AT FIRST?  
>CG: WE'D JUST SIT FOR HOURS AND TALK AND YOU'D LET ME MESS WITH YOUR HAIR, AND YOU'D TELL ME ALL ABOUT WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG, AND THE KIND OF SHIT YOU DID DURING THE GAME, ALL OF THAT.<br>CG: DIDN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?  
>CG: ANYTHING AT ALL?<br>CG: OR AM I JUST THE MORON WHO GOT EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT?  
>CG: AT FIRST YOU USED TO, LIKE.<br>CG: HOLD MY HAND. YOU'D *TALK* TO ME, ASK ME THINGS, PRETEND LIKE I KIND OF MATTERED TO YOU.  
>CG: WAS I REALLY THE ONLY ONE WHO CARED ABOUT US?<br>CG: GAMZEE?  
>CG: …<br>CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, I CAN'T DO THIS.  
>CG: I CAN'T.<br>CG: HERE WE GO, I'M THE ASSHOLE BREAKING UP WITH HIS MOIRAIL BY MESSAGE, EXCEPT I REALLY SHOULDN'T FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT BECAUSE YOU'VE MADE IT FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND YOU IN PERSON.  
>CG: AND I CAN'T KEEP TEARING MYSELF UP OVER YOU WHILE YOU JUST FUCKING *LET* ME.<br>CG: WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP MOIRALLEGIANCE IS THAT, WHERE YOU'RE JUST WILLING TO LET ME KILL MYSELF TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU WHILE YOU GIVE ME LITERALLY *NOTHING* IN RETURN?  
>CG: ARE YOU NOT EVEN GOING TO REACT TO THAT?<br>CG: YOU'VE GOT NO RESPONSE TO BEING DUMPED?  
>CG: THAT'S NOT EVEN ENOUGH TO GET THE SMALLEST, MOST TRIVIAL, INSIGNIFICANT GODDAMN REACTION FROM YOU?<br>CG: ARE YOU JUST SITTING OVER THERE IN FUCKING CLOWN LAND STARING AT A COMPUTER SCREEN WITH NO EMOTIONAL RESPONSE AT ALL TO THE UGLY CONCLUSION OF A RELATIONSHIP THAT LASTED AN ENTIRE SWEEP OF YOUR LIFE?  
>CG: NOTHING?<br>CG: BUT I SHOULDN'T FEEL SO BAD ABOUT BREAKING UP WITH YOU.  
>CG: BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE YOU BROKE UP WITH ME PERIGEES AGO AND JUST NEVER BOTHERED TO LET ME KNOW.<p>

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has blocked terminallyCapricious [TC]


	24. Sollux-Terezi

Sollux/Terezi: Geschmacksverirrung (German), "Aberration Of Taste," When Someone Else's Taste Is Deemed Simply Wrong

* * *

><p>gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]<p>

GC: M1ST3R C4PTOR!  
>GC: H4V3 YOU FULF1LL3D YOUR 4SS1GN3D M1SS1ON?<br>TA: ok fiine here2 the piicture of my hiive youve been buggiing me for wiill you get off my ca2e now

twinArmageddons sent file fuckyoutz-png

GC: 4H4H4H4 P3RF3CT! :]  
>GC: 1 KN3W 1 WOULD W34R YOU DOWN 3V3NTU4LLY<br>GC: OOH TH1S 1S D3L1C1OUS  
>GC: 4LL R3D 4ND BLU3 3V3RYWH3R3 W1TH 4LL TH4T BR1GHT HON3Y Y3LLOW 1N TH3 B4CKGROUND<br>GC: Y3S 4PPL3B3RRY 1S D3F1N1T3LY R1GHT FOR YOU  
>TA: yeah you know that doe2nt even make any 2en2e<br>TA: lot2 of apple2 are green and really mo2t berriie2 arent blue  
>TA: you ju2t liike beiing weiird and off-puttiing<br>GC: SHHHH YOU 4R3 SPR34D1NG V4LU4BL3 TR4D3 S3CR3TS 4ROUND  
>TA: iim pretty 2ure 2ayiing that you get your kiick2 by annoyiing people ii2 the oppo2iite of a 2ecret<br>GC: 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST  
>GC: 4ND 1TS P3RF3CT B3C4US3 1TS TWO TH1NGS<br>GC: DO YOU KNOW WHY 1TS P3RF3CT TH4T 1TS TWO TH1NGS? :]  
>TA: go2h no ii have no iidea what you could po22iibly be hiintiing at becau2e everyone know2 ii hate the number two and al2o the color2 red and blue<br>TA: ju2t a2 much a2 tz hate2 beiing bliind and ob2e22iing over color2 and botheriing people untiil they do whatever 2he want2  
>GC: YOU HUSH<br>GC: T4K1NG ON3 S1LLY P1CTUR3 OF YOUR H1V3 W4SNT 4NY TROUBL3 4T 4LL  
>GC: 4ND 1N R3TURN 1 H4V3 GON3 TO 4N 3QU4L 4MOUNT OF TROUBL3!<p>

gallowsCalibrator sent file YOUR3TOT4LLYCUR1OUS-png

TA: fuck you ii dont giive a flyiing fuck what your hiive look2 liike  
>TA: waiit<br>TA: holy 2HIIT  
>TA: thii2 ii2 liike a joke riight?<br>TA: you colored all over your hiive ju2t for the purpo2e2 of takiing the mo2t obnoxiiou2 piicture you could  
>GC: :?<br>GC: 1TS JUST MY H1V3  
>GC: D3COR4T3D T4ST3FULLY<br>TA: now you 2ay ta2tefully but do you actually have any iidea what that word mean2  
>GC: 1 M34N TH4T 1T T4ST3S D3L1C11OUS :]<br>TA: ok ii walked riight intwo that one  
>GC: 1T W4S 4 P3RF3CT S3TUP<br>GC: BUT 4LSO 1TS NOT TH4T UGLY :[  
>TA: no yeah iit kiind of ii2<br>TA: ii thiink my retiina2 may be permanently 2carred from thii2 experiience  
>TA: no offen2e but iif vrii2ka hadnt fucked wiith your eye2 ii thiink you miight have gone blind anyway2<br>GC: 4WW YOU S4Y TH3 N1C3ST TH1NGS  
>GC: S3CR3TLY TH1S 1S MY H1V3 D3F3NS3 STR4T3GY<br>GC: H1V3 1NV4D3RS WONT KNOW WH4T H1T TH3M :]  
>TA: fuck -ii- hardly know what hiit me<br>TA: give a guy a liittle warniing before you a22ault his viisiion liike that  
>TA: iit2 liike a horror fiilm ii keep goiing back and iit hurt2 ju2t a2 bad everytiime but ii cant ju2t look away<br>GC: 1T H4S HYPNOT1Z3D YOU W1TH 1TS B34UTY!  
>TA: beauty ii2 a really fuckiing generou2 word there<br>GC: OH DONT B3 M34N  
>GC: YOU D3COR4T3D YOUR H1V3 W1TH YOUR F4VOR1T3 COLOR2 TOO<br>GC: YOU C4NT D3C13V3 M3  
>TA: but that2 diifferent<br>TA: the2e color2 go together and al2o ii liimiited my2elf two a FEW color2 2o thing2 would actually match and 2hiit  
>TA: god lii2ten two me ii 2ound liike kn<br>TA: ii diidnt take the briighte2t most obnoxiiou2 po22ible ver2iion of every color on the 2pectrum and throw iit everywhere becau2e re2traiint i2 not a word youre famiiliiar wiith  
>GC: R3STR41NT 1S BOR1NG!<br>GC: COLOR 1S FUN  
>GC: 1 COULD T3LL YOU YOUR H1V3 1S BOR1NG 4ND D4RK 4ND N33DS MOR3 COLOR<br>TA: yeah but you ju2t told me that you liiked how iit looked  
>GC: BY TH4T 1 M34N 1T 1S NOT 4S B4D 4S YOU USU4LLY S33<br>GC: WH1CH 1S GR4Y GR4Y 4ND MOR3 GR4Y  
>GC: 1TS 4 GOOD ST4RT BUT 1T N33DS MOR3 BR1GHTN3SS<br>TA: no  
>GC: OH DONT B3 4 WR1GGL3R 4BOUT TH1S<br>GC: 1 W1LL M4K3 YOU TH1NGS 1N R3D 4ND BLU3 4ND YOU W1LL US3 TH3M B3C4US3 TH3Y 4R3 YOUR F4VOR1T3 COLORS DO NOT D3NY 1T  
>TA: what deny that theyre my favoriite color2 or deny that iill u2e them<br>GC: 31TH3R ON3!  
>GC: B3C4US3 1F YOU DO YOUR WORDS W1LL ST1NK OF L13S<br>GC: DO YOU N33D 2OM3 CURT41NS?  
>GC: 1 TH1NK YOU N33D CURT41NS<br>GC: WH3NS YOUR WR1GGL1NG D4Y?  
>TA: no<br>GC: DONT WORRY YOU 4LR34DY TOLD M3 1LL JUST GO LOOK 1T UP :]  
>TA: tz 2top iit youre not goiing to decorate my hiive from halfway acro22 the fuckiing planet<br>TA: tz?

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

TA: goddammiit


	25. Tavros-Dave (Flushed)

Tavros/Dave (Flushed): Dastehen Wie Der Ochs Vorm Berg (German), "To Stand There Like An Ox Before The Hill," To Be Overwhelmed In The Moment, To Be At A Loss At Something

* * *

><p>adiosToreador began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]<p>

AT: sO,  
>TG: so<br>TG: …  
>TG: hello<br>TG: are you actually there  
>AT: yES, I'M HERE,<br>TG: okay  
>TG: then are you planning to say anything<br>AT: i WAS,  
>AT: oR I AM, rATHER,<br>AT: tHAT IS TO SAY, i DO HAVE THINGS, tHAT I AM HOPING TO SAY TO YOU,  
>TG: cool<br>TG: …  
>TG: are you planning to say them at any point<br>AT: uH,  
>AT: tHAT WOULD BE THE SCENARIO, tHAT WOULD BE MOST IDEAL, gIVEN MY HOPES FOR THIS CONVERSATION,<br>AT: mY PROBLEM SEEMS TO BE, tHAT IT IS EASIER TO PLAN THINGS IN PRIVATE, aND HARDER TO SAY THEM IN PRACTICE,  
>TG: dude youre literally typing<br>TG: you have the option of composing whatever you want in that little box  
>TG: i mean i can see everything you write as it happens but thats life<br>AT: wAIT,  
>AT: iS THAT TRUE,<br>TG: so true bro  
>TG: i saw what you wrote just there<br>TG: i can understand why you deleted it  
>AT: i THINK YOU ARE LYING,<br>TG: dude no  
>TG: am i the kind of guy that would be anything less than truthful<br>AT: yES, tHAT IS FREQUENTLY THE KIND OF GUY YOU ARE,  
>AT: aND I AM PRETTY SURE, tHAT YOU WERE BEING DISHONEST, iN SAYING THAT YOU'D SEEN WHAT I WROTE, pREVIOUSLY,<br>TG: i am very hurt that you would doubt me  
>AT: aND NOW I AM CERTAIN, tHAT YOU WERE LYING,<br>TG: no man you cant do that  
>TG: what are you going to do when im actually honest<br>TG: ill tell you that that your horns are orange and youll be like nO, tHEY ARENT  
>TG: your world will crumble<br>AT: i THINK YOU'RE WRONG, bECAUSE YOU ACT IN PARTICULAR WAYS, wHEN YOU WISH NOT TO BE STRAIGHTFORWARD,  
>AT: wHICH IS, aDMITTEDLY, mOST TIMES,<br>AT: yOU ACT IN ARTIFICIAL WAYS, i THINK, bECAUSE YOU FEEL VULNERABLE, oTHERWISE,  
>TG: whoa<br>TG: whoa there  
>TG: where the fuck did this come from<br>TG: you know what lets turn this conversation back to what you were planning to say before  
>TG: i think i liked that better<br>AT: wELL, aCTUALLY, iT WAS KIND OF RELEVANT, tO THAT PREVIOUS TOPIC OF CONVERSATION, iN A WAY,  
>AT: mAYBE IT WILL BE BEST, iF I JUST SAY IT, wITHOUT AVOIDING THE ISSUE,<br>AT: oR AT LEAST THE DIFFICULT PART, wILL BE OVER SOONER,  
>AT: i THINK THESE THINGS I AM EXPERIENCING, sUCH AS WHEN I HAVE INSIGHTS, iNTO THE REASONS YOU ACT, iN CERTAIN WAYS,<br>AT: aND MY IMPRESSIONS OF YOU, gENERALLY SPEAKING, aND WHEN WE INTERACT, eITHER IN PERSON OR THROUGH CHAT CLIENTS,  
>AT: aRE INSPIRING FEELINGS, oF A PITYING, tHAT IS TO SAY FLUSHED, nATURE,<br>TG: wait  
>TG: i think i was less lost before<br>TG: can we go back to giving you shit for not spitting things out  
>AT: aND YOU'RE EMBARRASSED, wHICH I AM SORRY FOR, bUT MY HESITATION WAS DUE, iN PART, tO BEING UNSURE HOW TO PRESENT THE ISSUE,<br>AT: bUT, uH, rELUCTANCE TO OPEN UP FOR SUCH CONVERSATIONS, dOES HAPPEN TO BE A THING, tHAT I PITY YOU FOR,  
>AT: i THINK I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SORRY, fOR THAT TOO,<br>TG: whos embarrassed  
>TG: im not embarrassed<br>TG: im confused  
>TG: this conversation makes no goddamn sense<br>AT: wE DON'T HAVE TO PUSH THE ISSUE, iF YOU DON'T WANT TO ,  
>AT: i WOULDN'T REALLY WANT, tO MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE,<br>TG: but wait didnt you start this whole trolling thing with the intention of making my life hard  
>TG: you were going to set some sick fires or whatever<br>TG: you guys pretty much all hated us right  
>TG: i know im not making that part up<br>AT: wELL, aT FIRST, wE DIDN'T REALLY KNOW YOU AS PEOPLE, bUT MORE, aS AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT,  
>AT: aND ONCE I GOT TO KNOW YOU BETTER, uH,<br>TG: ok you can stop there  
>TG: what the fuck am i supposed to do with this then<br>TG: am i supposed to swoon into your arms and we go off and get gay alien married  
>AT: i'M NOT SURE WHAT GAY IS, oR MARRIED, bUT WE DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING,<br>AT: i'M JUST CONFIDENT, iN WHAT I FEEL, aND FELT BAD ABOUT KNOWING WHAT I WAS THINKING, wITHOUT YOU KNOWING WHAT I WAS THINKING,  
>AT: sO I THOUGHT THIS WOULD LEVEL THINGS OUT, sO TO SPEAK,<br>AT: bECAUSE EVEN IF THERE IS A DIFFERENCE IN FEELINGS, wHICH IS A THING I AM FAMILIAR WITH, i THINK IT'S BETTER FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED, tO BE AS OPEN AS POSSIBLE,  
>TG: cant we go back to you having something to say and not being able to say it<br>TG: i was having more fun then  
>AT: yOU SHOULDN'T WORRY, bECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO PRESSURE YOU IN ANY WAY, tHAT WOULD MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, wITH THIS SITUATION,<br>AT: mY THOUGHTS, aND FEELINGS, hAVE BEEN EXPRESSED TO A CERTAIN EXTENT,  
>AT: aND YOU ARE SURPRISED, aND, i THINK, uPSET BECAUSE YOU ARE SURPRISED,<br>AT: uPSETTING YOU IS THE OPPOSITE, oF WHAT I WANT TO DO,  
>AT: sO I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW, tHAT YOU CAN HAVE AS MUCH TIME TO THINK ABOUT THINGS, aS YOU WANT, wHICH MEANS I WON'T CONTACT YOU, yOU CAN CONTACT ME, aBOUT THIS OR ABOUT ANYTHING THAT ISN'T THIS, wHENEVER YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE,<br>AT: aND ON THAT NOTE, i THINK I SHOULD LEAVE YOU ALONE, sO AS TO AVOID PRESSURING YOU, iN THAT MANNER THAT I MENTIONED ABOVE,

adiosToreador ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]


	26. Aradia-Equius (Flushed)

Aradia/Equius (Flushed): Shvitzer (Yiddish), Someone Who Sweats A Lot, Particularly A Nervous Seducer

Warning for a mild d/s dynamic in this story

* * *

><p>apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]<p>

AA: equius  
>AA: have y0u built my new b0dy<br>AA: the beginning 0f the game l00ms  
>AA: and it is necessary f0r 0ur plan<br>CT: D - Yes  
>CT: D - However, I remain unclear on the details of this plan<br>AA: it is unimportant  
>AA: y0u have been t0ld 0f what c0ncerns y0u<br>CT: D - Una%ceptable  
>CT: D - You will tell me<br>AA: n0  
>CT: D - You will<br>AA: i w0nt  
>CT: D - Hmm<br>CT: D - I should get a towel  
>CT: D - Do you always resist orders from your betters so<br>CT: D - Forcefully  
>AA: that wasnt very f0rceful<br>CT: D - And contradicting me so directly  
>CT: D - Where are all my goshdarn towels<br>AA: l00k  
>AA: all y0u need t0 d0 is prepare a r0b0t b0dy for me<br>AA: and then we will lead the blue team t0gether  
>AA: thats all y0u need t0 kn0w<br>CT: D - Yes  
>CT: D - You and I<br>CT: D - Although I sit near the peak of the hemospectrum, while you are of the lowest possible standing  
>CT: D - So tantalizingly<br>CT: D - Filthy  
>CT: D - This is really<br>AA: are y0u 0kay  
>CT: D - Yes<br>CT: D - I just seem to be perspiring rather heavily  
>CT: D - If I am not privy to the details of this plan, then who is<br>CT: D - Pei%es w001d be worthy by virtue of her b100d, but she seems unduly frivolous for such a duty  
>AA: s0llux<br>CT: D - What  
>CT: D - Captor<br>CT: D - Even though the commonest SWILL runs through his veins  
>AA: g0ld is several steps c00ler than rust<br>CT: D - Oh my  
>CT: D - So it is<br>CT: D - To occupy a place so far below me and to take other dirtb100ds into your confidence  
>CT: D - You will tell me everything you have told him<br>AA: n0  
>CT: D - Hggh<br>CT: D - Yes  
>CT: D - Deny me again<br>AA: 0_0  
>AA: listen<br>AA: he needs t0 kn0w things y0u d0nt  
>AA: he has a larger r0le t0 play<br>CT: D - Oh  
>CT: D - Oh my god<br>CT: D - These towels may be insufficient for my  
>CT: D - Purposes<br>CT: D - But don't stop  
>AA: maybe y0u sh0uld get s0me m0re t0wels<br>AA: f0r y0ur purp0ses  
>CT: D - But I ordered you to tell me more<br>CT: D - Do you refuse  
>AA: yes<br>AA: g0 get t0wels  
>CT: D - Yes<br>CT: D - Yes  
>CT: D - Command me further<br>AA: i d0nt really have anything else t0 say  
>AA: im 0nly making sure y0u understand what y0u need to d0<br>AA: y0u d0  
>AA: s0 I have 0ther things t0 take care 0f<br>CT: D - So you will put me in this state  
>CT: D - And refuse me your further attention<br>AA: yes  
>CT: D - Wait no<br>CT: D - You will continue to argue with me

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

CT: D - Fiddlesti%  
>CT: D - I may need to purchase more towels<p> 


	27. Aradia-Sollux (Flushed) 2

Aradia/Sollux (Flushed): Jolie-Laide (French), "Ugly-Pretty," A Kind Of Beauty Who Is Not Conventionally Attractive, But Has A Fascinatingly Unusual Look That Makes Them Even More Charismatic

* * *

><p>Sollux laughs at you when you admire him, but you think he's just plain wrong about this. If you really break it down and consider all the bits and pieces of him, it's difficult to describe exactly what you mean, but once you see him as a whole, watch him move, talk to him, <em>know<em> him, you aren't sure how you could avoid thinking that he's beautiful. His teeth, those are always a thing that he brings up when he wants to argue that he's ugly. They certainly are something, and he definitely has the most impressive lisp you've ever heard, but when you see him sitting at his husktop with the whole outer world tuned out, chewing absently on his lip or just smiling to himself, you wouldn't change those teeth for the world.

That doesn't even get into the rest of him. He calls his horns ugly-ass mutations that should have gotten him culled, but you know he loves them (and you do too). Two sets of two in perfect symmetry is exactly what he deserves, and it gives you so many places to put your hands when you're all sprawled up with him purring in your lap. And he never sees it, but when he's using his psionics and little jolts of red and blue bridge from horntip to horntip, it really does make you wish you had an extra set of your own. He calls himself emaciated (slim), with limp, ugly hair (fine and silky), with freakish ears and a tongue (how could he have anything _but_ doubled eartips and a split tongue?). He fights with you about it all the time, but you never even mind because it gives you an excuse to admire him as much as you want no matter how hard he tries to convince you that you're wrong.

The red and blue, that's another thing you adore, and you don't even have to argue with him about it because he likes it just as much as you. You've known of a troll with eyes like his, and you selfishly wish he's the only one like that in the world, so you can keep it all to yourself. You've never seen anything so striking. You tease him about it all the time, because you know it's one of the things he loves about himself, and you love it just as much as he does. Red on the right, blue on the left, and it's a beautiful whole that's symmetric and asymmetric and perfectly _him._ Once when you were young you saved your allowance in little bits and pieces to be able to buy him a pair of glasses with blue on the right and red on the left. On his wriggling day, the look he gave you was so, so reproachful, but you know he wore them until they fell apart, and that's just another reason for you to love him so very much.


	28. Rose-Dave (Pale)

Rose/Dave (Pale): Nunchi (Korean), The Subtle Art Of Listening And Gauging Another's Mood

Warning for mention of death and grief in this story

* * *

><p>At this moment, your primary concern is to listen. Your only concern, really. You do like to talk, and you are well aware that you are capable of doing so at great length, but this conversation isn't really about making you happy. Dave is rambling, which is certainly a particular skill of his, and you are more than happy to let him. It's a wonderful breath of something familiar. You're proud of your ability to handle being sucked into a reality-changing game, negotiating your way through the physical bonds of your universe, and orchestrate a journey to a different universe's game session, but. You really do miss the comfortable familiarity of home and friends more and more so the longer you spend on this meteor.<p>

This began with stories about Dave's childhood, which naturally segued into stories about his guardian. Not perhaps a conversational area you would have sought out given recent… events. But he's rattling on, telling you of this one time when Bro let him think he had the upper hand, then turned it around and kicked his ass at the last second, and how he was pretty sure he'd _never_ beat Bro, because he'd never seen the guy come _close_ to losing a fight—

His voice breaks, and he stops. You might change the topic, leave, offer your condolences, any number of things. Instead you simply reach out and carefully take his hand. He doesn't say anything for a minute, but he holds your hand so tightly, and there is the faintest hint of a tremble in his fingers. Surreptitiously, you look around to be sure that none of the others are in the room, but you are alone.

When he finally speaks again, his voice is steady. He's sitting stiffly, not looking at you, but he doesn't drop your hand as he talks. He talks about how much blood is in a body, how hard it is to touch a person that used to be alive, how it doesn't feel real when you didn't see them go, but suddenly they're right there, dead, and they're not coming back. You do understand because. Well. You'd rather not talk about it right now, and you _won't._ He starts slowly and speeds up as he goes, gesturing wildly with his free hand and holding yours in a death grip with his other. His voice catches again, several times, and you carefully fail to notice when he angrily scrubs at one cheek.

It all trails off into silence eventually, with you sitting there gently stroking the back of his hand with your thumb. He looks off to the side and down, angry and ashamed and embarrassed. You cut him off before he can apologize, or make a horrible joke. It's only a few words of quiet sympathy, but he shivers all over and you can hear one small, choked noise before he pulls himself back under control again. When he turns around he's wearing his poker face again. You inwardly roll your eyes that he thinks it would deceive you, but, well. You do understand. He says something witty and gives that one-shouldered shrug that's so clearly intended to convey nonchalance, but you pull him in for one short hug. He laughs at you, but he leans into it and wraps his arms around your back. And when he pulls away and stands to leave, you offer to listen to his stories any time that he'd like. His mouth twists for one brief moment before he manages another quiet laugh and tells you that yeah. Yeah, he'd like that.


	29. Nepeta-Equius (Pale)

Nepeta/Equius (Pale): Mò Míng Qí Miào (Chinese), Technically, Something So Strange Or Mysterious That It Is Hard To Articulate Just What It Is, Colloquiually Used In Terms Of "What The Fuck Was That"

Note: I have been told since writing this that mò míng qí miào is colloquiually used in a 'wtf even just happened' sense rather than the more formal, literal interpretation. On the one hand, I am always excited to hear about these little subtle things with languages, and on the other I'm irritated that I wrote this thing with a more serious tone instead of incorporating the sillier, more fun use of the phrase. It's a real shame I didn't get to use that interpretation of that phrase, but oh well! I hope this little story is enjoyable anyways.

* * *

><p>You don't get it. You <em>really<em> don't get it. Because Equius, okay? He's a troll you know, and you guess you're basically furrends, though he's _really_ weird, and he's sweaty and gross and he's just dummbbbb with all the hemocaste crap. But he seems to always be okay with talking to you, and even when you hate hate _hate_ dealing with people and you need to be alone for a while, you find yourself checking to see if he's online. The two of you talked through the day once, and then the next night you were out hunting with your mom and fell asleep up in a tree waiting for antlerbeasts to come by. That was _really_ embarrassing, but you stay up way too late talking to him all the time.

And now, in purrson, you don't get it even more. Because hearing from your friends that he's sweaty is different from seeing it yourself (you think half his sylladex is just packed with _towels,_ what the hell). And even if he sounded kinda stilted online, it's a whole other thing to see him holding himself all stiff and formal and trying to act all noble or whatever when you're just a bunch of kids and you _know_ he's just as ridiculous as you are. By all accounts, you should hate him.

But it's really different, and it's _really_ weird to catch yourself noticing how well his face would fit into your hands, and you know how strong he is and it makes you painfully conscious of how carefully he handles you. And the stupid way he talks doesn't make you angry or want to leave or anything like that. It makes you want to laugh and tease him (gently!) into being something better. You want to find all the secret parts of him that he's trying to purrtend aren't there and get him to tell you everything, absolutely _everything._ You need all his secrets, but only if he gives them to you because _he_ wants to, not just because you want him to. And what's terrifying, what's really fucking terrifying, is that you want to give all your secrets to him too.

You're trying to ignore this whatever-it-is, because it's new and scary and you don't understand what's going on, and because it might hurt, but it'll be _easier_ if he doesn't feel the same way about you. And it's so frustrating, because you need him so _badly,_ but you don't know him well enough to read him and see if he needs you back. It works out in the end, with you lost and furrightened the whole way. But you fit perfectly into his lap, and your hands fit just right around his horns, and he even lets you touch his broken horn, and it's so _vulnerable_ of him that you're completely terrified the whole time.

He tells you in the end, once you're tucked up in a makeshift pile of broken robots and furbeast skins, that he was just as frightened and needed you just as badly. And both of you agree that you're _completely_ lost. But it's purrfect, so purrfect, even if you're both nervous and confused and have _no_ idea of what you're supposed to be doing. You can put a diamond to it, because that's what these feelings mean, right? But neither of you would be able to explain any better than that, and in the end, with both of you wrapped tight around each other, you don't really think that it matters.


	30. Feferi-Gamzee (Flushed)

Feferi-Gamzee (flushed): Hanyauku (Rukwangali), The Act Of Walking On Tiptoes Across Warm Sand

* * *

><p>You have a lot of fun trying to sneak up on his hive. You're <em>reely<em> sneaky the whole way, but eventually the water's too shallow to stay all the way hidden, and you don't _quite_ make it all the way to the shore before you see him waving out the window at you. He's reely good at keeping an eye out for anyone coming to shore, and when he told you why, you promised yourself that you'd visit him _twice_ as often. It's a little before he comes down to the water, and you just relax with your head on your arms and let the waves wash up over your shoulders while you watch clouds float across the moons.

When he finally comes down towards you, he's carrying a pie tin and hee, that's a _fintastic_ reason for him to be a bit late! The sand's been cooling for a while now, but when you're as cold-blooded as the two of you are, a little warm still feels like a lot warm. He does a little dance on tiptoes, juggling the pie (which is also probably a bit warm), grinning the whole way. He passes the pie down when he gets to you, and you have to laugh at his sigh of relief when he cools his feet off in the surf. While he's tossing his shirt up onto the sand, you steal one or two (or more) tastes of pie, because it's berries and honey and what does he expect?

He calls you his favorite rudest motherfucker when he finally sits down next to you and tucks you up close against his side (incidentally this pins your arms enough that he can steal the pie back and take a few good handfuls while you're wriggling free). You tickle his almost-gills in revenge, and he tickles your _actual_ gills which is pure torture until you manage to get at his feet (which almost sends him backwards into the water). By then the sopor is making you both loose and relaxed and it's much easier to just tuck back in together and trade bites of pie until the whole thing is gone and you're setting the empty pie tin out to sea. After that you just trade kisses.

It's easy to let the time pass when it's just you and him and you have all the things in the world to talk about. You know you can be silly! But you don't feel bad about it when he's so willing to smile and talk about anything you want. You're just teasing him for how smudged his paint's gotten, and he's teasing back that he sees a motherfucker with signs of faith all over her face, when you realize just how late it's gotten. He doesn't hold you up, because he knows it takes a _little_ while to get where it's deep enough for the sun to not bother you, but he does make you promise to tell him when you're coming back so he can get a better pie ready. _You_ tell him that if he keeps promising things like _that_ he's going to run out of better pies sooner or later. The last thing he says is that he'll come up with pies forever for a motherfucker like you, and you steal one last kiss, and then you're off. You'd been planning to come see him in five or six nights. And you do have some things to do. But maybe, if you shuffle your schedule and stay up _reely_ late and get things done—When you get back home you tell him you'll be back the night after tomorrow.


	31. Davesprite-Jadesprite

Davesprite/Jadesprite: Ku Xiao Bu De (Chinese): An Awkward Situation In Which Both Laughing And Crying Are Inappropriate

Warning for discussion of death and emotional trauma in this story

* * *

><p>You don't know what to do. You've been running on pure momentum ever since you and Rose decided it was time for you to go back and fix things, just one long flat-out <em>sprint<em> to the finish, only somewhere along the way you ran straight into a brick wall, and you're sitting on your ass, dizzy, disoriented, and yeah, you think you wanna be sick. You're just chilling on Skaia like the useless fucker that you are because you're out, you are completely out of ideas and you're not sure you _'fixed'_ anything so much as 'prolonged the suffering,' and oh.

You know she's not your Jade, strictly speaking. But you're not real Dave to her and all Jades are the same Jades until things branch and your Jade died without a chance to even say goodbye and this Jade is _crying,_ fuck, and what if that's the way your Jade went out—No. You need to relax. She's freaking out bad enough without you making things worse. You've always been proud of your self-control, and this sure as fuck isn't the time to let it slip.

It takes you a moment to get past the crying and process the green and the tail and _fuck,_ it hits you all over again. You. You're the sprite. You're the one who wrecked his world to maybe give everyone a chance at saving _theirs,_ and. And you lost John and Jade the first time around. You were so close to losing John again, and you're gut-clenchingly aware that it's mostly luck that you were able to keep him alive. It's not easy when you've been downgraded to 'fake Dave,' but. You can deal with that. It's all worth it, all this shit is worth it if you can make things better. But here's Jade with her life reduced to 'life,' and everything's slipping out of your hands and you can't tell if it was all worth it at all.

She smiles, just a bit, when she notices you, and that's enough to take some of the bite out of the situation. She's still crying though, and that's the worst. You try to think of something that could cheer her up. Like a joke. Haha, so my bro's dead, strongest fucker I ever knew and I was always pretty sure he was some flavor of immortal, but a corpse is a corpse, and isn't it funny how fast a body cools? Or. Well. When you put it that way, you just kinda want to let her hold you and cry into her shoulder for a while, because your bro's _dead,_ he's fucking dead and you let it happen, and if you were stronger it he'd still be alive and you're numb and icy cold all over and all you want to do is cry, but you can't. You can't do that to her right now.

Instead you're left awkwardly hovering, and maybe it would be protective if you had anything left in you to protect with. You might say something to her, but your throat is tied up tight and you don't think you could string words together anyways. You and she gradually drift closer and closer, and eventually she just looks up at you reaches out the smallest bit, and your heart clenches. Because you're so selfish, you never realized that this might be something she needs too, it's not just you being an ass and demanding shit from her, and you both might need each other, and you maybe can _help_ her without fucking things up worse. And you still can't figure out words, but you reach out for her too, and she's so gentle when she reaches around your fucked up wing, and you try to be as careful, but you hold her so tight because. _Because._ And she's crying into your shoulder and you're there for her, and maybe, somehow, you're helping. And you've got your face buried in her neck but her hands are so fucking gentle and she strokes your head like _you're_ the one who needs comfort here, and. She can't see your face anymore, so there's no need to worry about what you might or might not be doing, and the two of you just. Are.


End file.
